A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, this is about a girl that I met at my university a few months ago. When I saw her, I was instantly attracted to her. Beautiful, great body, nice personality, the works. My mistake was trying the nice guy act when I approached and attempted to get to know her. We rapidly became friends. We went out, laughed and pretty much relied on each other. I was there when she needed me and didn't hesitant to make myself available. Everything got along smoothly until I tried to ask her to be my girlfriend. She stated that she really liked me as a friend but that was all she wanted. Well, it wasn't the first time I was rejected so I agreed that we should just be friends then. Being who I am, I was right back out in the field looking for another girl. She now knows that I'm more of a passer-by kind of guy. She now knows I have fuck-buddies and that I'm not as nice as she first thought.She also knows that the rejection didn't phase me and that I had no problem with us staying friends.I'm not always available when she needs me anymore. She displayed her jealousy when she realized that I was hitting on other girls. She tried to keep it inside but it kept coming up in our conversations. She would bitterly mention how instead of talking to her, I should go hang out with my "girlfriend".She would also give me a dirty stare whenever she catches me flirting with other girls.I told her that this was who I was and I made no attempt to hide it. Sure I was nice in beginning, but that was because I liked her and I thought being nice was the best way to get her. Apparently, she likes this other side of me more. She now asks if I want to go out sometimes, playfully saying it's a date. She hangs out with me more at school and gets a bit irritated when I mention any of my sex friends. She also sends me sexy pics of herself from time to time. I honestly can remain only friends as long as she wants. My options aren't exactly slim and she knows this. Is this why she has a sudden change in personality? I like her and would like to remain friends with her but I don't think I can handle her being upset whenever I talk up a new girl. She decided we should just be friends so what's the problem?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2014): I'll be honest and say that she probably feels like you never really like her for her, you just wanted a girlfriend - which you implied by immediately looking for another girl.
Jealousy is annoying and she could have chosen to date you, nor should you be heartbroken or anything, but you don't seem to be ready to have a committed relationship with anyone if you will immediately move on to other girls if they don't accept your offer. I mean, who really wants to be the girl for the player who would move on in an instant if you broke up - doesn't make you feel very special to the person.
Keep the lad talk to the lads. If she gets too much, tell her, but accept that your attitude is probably the thing that will kill any chance of a long-term girlfriend - which is fine, as long you're not going to blame the girls for not wanting to be the easily replaceable girlfriend.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 May 2014):
 Yeah, a female-friend is NOT one of the lads. So the talk about "conquests" I'd keep to the male friends. Specially if she doesn't seem to handle it well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2014): Thank you honeypie for your advise. I never said I have no problems getting girls. Sure I have some female friends here and there who would do something extra but they weren't easy to get, lol. Also, I talk about my sex friends to her because I think of her as a friend. I'm not trying to impress a girl who doesn't want me. I treat her the same way I treat most of my guy friends. We sit down, have a chat and speak of our adventures in life, whether it's sexual or not.I don't see why she would be jealous if she wanted to be just friends. I guess I never thought it would affect her negatively. But now that I do, I WILL cease the dirty talking of my "conquests". Thank you, Anon123. Also, thank you for the compliment. I DID want her. When I asked her to by girlfriend, I wasn't blowing smoke out of my ass. I really enjoy our times together and I figured becoming monogamous for her was worth it. But I guess she thought I was TOO nice. I understand that it was just the attention she craved, not the man giving it. And as weird as it sounds, it doesn't bother me at all. I know we all have types and I wasn't hers. If there's one thing I know about life is that I could get turn down by a cutie today and get lucky with a hottie tomorrow. I'm not being egotistical, just a little wisdom I like to give myself to stay out of the slumps. Though, I will let her know that she can't have it both ways. I would like to remain friends if she'd like and I'll do what I can to salvage it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 May 2014):
 I have to give it to you, you're one confident guy!
Anyway, I like the fact that you weren't dejected by the rejection, that you are just being yourself and are still just friends with the girl. Your attitude towards her is fine, its her attitude that's the problem. Yes, she's jealous because she thought that you just wanted her. She thought that she was special for you and that getting rejected by her would break your heart. Not that she wanted to see you sad, but its just that it would have given her that feeling of importance. The fact that you bounced back almost immediately and started doing your own stuff certainly wasn't what she'd expected.
Plain and simple, she's jealous. If you feel you cant handle her jealousy, then just talk to her about her. Tell her whatever you've told us, that you don't mind being just friends with her but if its just that then why the jealousy and the sexy pics? She didn't want to go out with you in the first place so why is she doing all this now? Just tell her that you're respecting her decision to be friends and she should just stick to that too. She cant have it all...she doesn't want to date you but she doesn't want you to be with anyone else either...that's not fair. Just tell her that. And oh...be a good friend here and ask her to stop sending her "sexy" pictures to anyone. She's being really naive and silly and could get in a lot of trouble if the pictures land in the wrong hands.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 May 2014):
I think she liked the idea of you chasing her (trust me she WASN'T being oblivious to your initial interest) and now that she has found that she wasn't as "special" to you as she has thought (even IF she doesn't want to date you, she wanted to be "special"). Hence the jealousy.
I would tone down the conversations ( no sexy texting, no pictures) and I would give her a bit of space. If she act like a jealous GF I would tell her to knock it off. HOWEVER, you COULD also tone down on the bragging of your other conquests. If you have no problems getting girls, there is no need to be tacky and talk about your "sex friends". It doesn't really IMPRESS a girl.
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