A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really like this girl who lives the same floor as me in our University accommodation. We went to a club on Monday and i bumped into her. She was with two of her friends away from the dance floor and looked bit upset. I went over and she hugged me. Her voice was very soft like she'd been crying or something and she looked happy to see me. I then asked her for a dance. She grabbed my hand which made me feel great and we headed toward the dance floor, (Both her friends were leading her and she was leading me) I led her onto the dance floor and we proceeded to dance. I was grinding behind her whilst holding her hands and kissing her neck and she was more than alright with it. We even took a few pictures along with her friends. On two of those pics, it was just me and her and she looked deeply in love with me and VERY comfortable and relaxed and dreamy, she had her arm on my shoulder as i was bent over to get closer to her (I swear to God i'm not bragging or trying to make myself look big) Whilst dancing her friends were there and looked somewhat uncomfortable as they kept distracting her, by whispering stuff into her ear and giving me weird looks.Eventually her friends must've gotten to her and she left to go to the bar with them. She said bye and left. I was really disappointed as the dance was very brief. I didn't see her for the rest of the night.The next day, i uploaded the pics on facebook and she purposefully untagged the ones that were just me and her that looked like we're in love but left the ones with us and her friends alone. Why did she do that? Is she ashamed or afraid or what exactly?? We're VERY comfortable with each other and she doesn't mind me touching her at all as everytime we happen to be out she's always alright with me being around.More Details:I haven't asked her out yet as i'm scared :(Whenever i see her she always smiles and we make eye contact.
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female
reader, chloebabeechick  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 If I were her, I would've untagged them too. She barely knows you and you barely know her, why would she want to give anyone the impression you two were intimate? And you lack maturity and discretion for uploading photos of that nature with someone who is essentially a stranger to you. She might have been amenable to getting to know you, but after that odd and thoughtless action, who knows what she thinks of you now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): HEy
I don't think you should worry. It means she isn't comfortable to share the pics with the whole world yet. In fact I won't be surprised if she assumes you would understand how she feels. Untagging herself DOES NOT mean she doesn't like you. I think it is a good news actually - I'm guessing she does not want to look like a slut, dancing with a guy she doesn't really know that well. I bet she enjoyed spending time with you. You don't want a slutty gf, do you?
Goodluck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Why do you feel dirty and disgusted? Look nothing any of us has said is fact, we could be wrong about how they perceive you. It's just opinion.
How do you go about making things better? Stop beating around the bush. One thing they were right about is that you can't just get cozy and flirty with a girl you want and never make a move. You just can't what's the point? How long are you going to get to the point where you should make a move or ask her out and not do anything?
Grab the bull by the horns and just do it, don't be nervous, don't make a big deal out of it, just do it. I mean you could be getting all worked up about nothing, she might like you or she might not be interested but how are you going to know unless you try? Just get it done with man and stop torturing yourself. Dating and getting with girls is fun, there's nothing complicated about it. You'll be successful and rejected in equal measure but the sooner you ask girls out the better chance you have, the sooner you know what your chances are and the less time you have to obsess and over think things.
Seriously you like a girl, you talk to her, you see if there is a bit of interest, if there isn't you assume there is anyway, you flirt a little, make eye contact, ask her if she'd like to meet up sometime to do something fun just the two of you. She either says yes or she says no. That's that. What the hell is so hard about that?
I really don't get why people make this so complicated, I really don't see the point in standing around waiting, looking for signs of interest or waiting for the "right" time. Dude you're a man, we men don't stand around waiting, we don't look for signs of interest we make them interested, we don't wait for the right time we make it the right time, because every time is the right time.
You want to know why you should always go for it? Because if you don't I will and I'll be the guy waking up next to her thinking how great it is to be with her, while you wonder what might have been or wonder where you went wrong. Wondering whats so special about me or why is she with me when you're taller and better looking. The answer to that will always be the same, because I tried and I went for it and you didn't. That's that, no special tricks, no magic words, just doing and getting instead of thinking and wishing.
Asking girls out is not about thinking it's about acting, it's about going out to get what you want in a respectful, nice, friendly way that both shows who you are to the girl and what you can give her. Not sitting back trying to read situations too nervous to make moves in case you ruin it, when that in itself is an act of ruining your chances.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 December 2010):
 TALK to her. When you run into her at school, stop and chat with her. Stop and talk to her friends as well, when you see them. Girls talk about the boys they like and if you make a good impression on her friends, they will be positive about you when they discuss you. If they don't know you, they can only go off what they see of you, or what they imagine of you. Give them the real you.
Get to KNOW her as a person. Dress nicely, smell good, keep your hands and fingernails clean. Clean clothes, brush your teeth. Look her in the eye, watch the eye-wander to the boob thing.
Maybe send her a message apologizing for tagging without her permission. Ask her if there are any pics she wants taken off your page. "Hey I really enjoyed dancing with you the other night, I think you are fab [insert appropriate compliment in place of 'fab' here]. I'd like to take you on a proper date sometime..." See what she comes back with.
Another strategy is to try to become friends with her friends as well. Get them to see your great qualities.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks once again for the help. i feel really dirty and disgusted now :'( How would you suggest i go about repairing my image with her and her friends??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): "it was just me and her and she looked deeply in love with me and VERY comfortable and relaxed and dreamy"
Woah there! You hardly know the girl. I think you got a little bit carried away and she was under the influence of alcohol at the time.
She probably didn't think the photos looked very flatering and didn't reflect very well on her image. Don't take it personaly but next time ask her first before posting anything public like that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 December 2010):
You're operating without much information about her and you haven't done the simple task of just having an ordinary conversation. "Hey there, how are things?" "Dating anyone these days?" "How's school going?" BASIC stuff.
You've decided you like her but you show it by acting like a dirty old man, with a lot of groping and no intention of actually asking her out. You then post the groping pictures as some sort of trophy display and expect her to be happy about it.
Here's what you have conveyed to this girl by your actions and your LACK of actions (i.e. asking her out). You're a lightweight, not really confident or sure enough of himself to ask her out. You think that physical contact and grinding is enough to make a woman swoon and fall for you. You are sending the message that you're basically a wimpy guy and that you wait until she's drunk and vulnerable before you make your move to grope her. You are NOT raising your dateability quotient in the least, in fact, you are doing everything to reinforce that you are a bit strange.
Sorry for the blunt words but you don't seem to realize that you are damaging your reputation with her and the more you do this kind of thing, the more this girl and her friends are going to perceive you as weird.
You're brave enough to grind on her but not brave enough to ask her out? Hm, you have an odd type of courage.
What are you scared of? She'll say no, and reject you? Dude, you've just been rejected by the untagging. She's NOT liking the picture of you with her right now. Stop behaving like a groper and start behaving like a date and maybe she'll perceive you as one and go out with you.
First, start with an ordinary conversation and just get to know her a little better. I know, actual information may blow up your fantasy of what she's like but it's better to operate with all the data. She may be a shallow and silly thing who can't hold up her end of a conversation. She may be a wonderful, warm and fun-loving girl who will be perfect for you. You'll never know unless you TALK to her. Hands to yourself for now, you need to do some image repair with her and her friends.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Just to remind you, don't put photos of girls up in facebook of when they're partying or drinking without asking first.
I know girls that are very selective indeed, even innocuous photos might not have their best side or the light might show a blemish no one but them can see.
The thing is we are all quite selective when it comes to the image we want to project on facebook. It's very public and it's viewable anytime by anyone on our friends list. There could be family members teachers etc on our friends list. You might not think you are but you do the same thing. I for example was looking through my profile pictures the other day and noticed in each one I put up of the 30 or so pics I was in a party situation and there was at least one other person in the photo. I looked through other peoples and one girl I know, only puts carefully posed self shots as her profile pics. Have a look for yourself everyone has a certain style of photo they like to put up.
My point is even photos you may think are fine might not be what the other person wants to see, it might not fit into the image they want people to see. That girl I mentioned untags herself in almost every photo people put up she really doesn't like photos of herself and only some make the grade.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I think she just didn't like the pictures, ok to be with other people in groups. But just the two of you - could be embarrassing. Perhaps you should have thought of that before you put pics up on site. Another time do a thoughtful edit when selecting pics.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Sounds to me like she was a little too tipsy. Her pack of friends realized this, that's why that lead her away from you. They were a little wary of your intentions with their drunk friend. Women travel in packs in clubs and leave no woman behind to go home with a guy to do something they potentially regret. Friends don't let friends engage in one night stands. I'm not saying that was your intention but her friends didn't know that, and most likely told this girl that you were a creep.
The next day when you upload photos taken from that night, that adds to the creepy factor.
Just apologize for putting up the photos without permission..then give it a few days before you ask her out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmm.. i think that she probably was a little embarassed after seeing them. Thanks for the responses
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): She either has a boyfriend or she was really drunk. Now just because she mightn't have been falling all over the place doesn't mean she wasn't really drunk. The fact her friends had to pull her away means they were trying to protect her from either cheating or doing something she would regret while drunk.
The untagging of the facebook photos is just another sign of that. It looks to me like she's out of bounds.
But you should just ask her out and soon and see what she says.
FYI: unless a girl is your girlfriend (even then) never upload photos like that of a girl to facebook without asking her first. Id' even ask her if she wants them taken down. Things like that can be embarrassing for girls and can make them look like sluts, especially if she has a boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Well that could be as simple as she doesn't want other people to see romantic pictures of her, she may think it was a bad angle...us girls are really picky! I don't let people take photos of me at all! I am just super picky. She maybe friends with her mom or dad or other family members she doesn't want them to get the wrong idea. Plus depending on her security settings she could have certain pictures she doesn't want tagged for others to see. In other words, don't pay much mind to it. Take it slow and ask her if sometime she would like to go get some hot chocolate and a movie. Don't be scared!
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