A
male
age
30-35,
*bx1223
writes:Hello Guy, I need some help. I'm a 24 year old young man who's about to finish up college in May. I'm at a point where I'm trying to make the decision to cut certain people out of my life because I don't need any unnecessary stress. This includes a girl I've been on and off with for five years. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with her. I don't know if it's me or we are so incompatible. This girl is spoiled and she admits it, she's selfish and she doesn't like to reciprocate. I think this is where the problem come in. I'm the kind of guy who doesn't take crap from anyone, but at the same time I will cater to a woman's needs if she caters to me. I'll try my best to meet a woman I'm dating needs without compromising my future plans or goals. An example of how she is, I would pop up at her job and bring lunch to her, but she would be coming to my house and she would never ask if I want something from the store. I use to buy a gift for her every month to show her that I appreciate being in a relationship with her, but she would never do the same or even if she does, it very wishie washie. My dad would always cook when she is coming over or I would buy food when she is coming over, but when I go to her house her mother has to ask her if she gave me something to drink or eat. She's very quick to help friends out and when I tell her that it's not right because she doesn't do the same for me. She says I don't know what I'm talking about or her friend is like her sister. Recently bleach splashed in her eye at work and she told me, but I couldn't make it because of a school project that was due that day. After I said that to her I tried to explain why I couldn't make it and she should keep me updated. She fired off like a gun and started to curse me out. So since then I've been very cold and numb towards her. All the drama that build up as really gotten to me. This is just a snippet of my journey, but do you guys think I'm wrong?
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (25 November 2013):
Who cares or knows if you're right or wrong, but one thing is for sure, you're not happy, and being with someone who you feel is selfish is causing it. Since she'll never change, you'll never be happy with her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 November 2013):
 There is a reason this hasn't progressed, you both have been "comfortable" with this on and off thing, which means you may take it serious but she might not.
Also, you need to learn that doing things for others is not a tit for tat game. If you ANT to show love or appreciation by giving a gift, then expecting something is return kind makes the gift an obligation not a gift. And because YOU expect her to do as you do, you CONSTANTLY get disappointed because she might have a whole other mindset/rule-set in life.
Her getting pissy because she was hurt and you didn't drop everything to cater to her seems to go with her personality, BUT in general US women likes to know that IF we are hurt or sick (not with contagious stuff though lol) that the MAN in our life cares enough to pop by and make sure we are OK. We don't EXPECT flowers but it's nice. Again, you two play by different rule-sets. I'm not saying you should get your work done late because you stopped by, just saying WHY she got pissy. She feels that if you prioritize school work over her, you MUST not care enough. Again, it goes with her selfish personality you mentioned.
Maybe it's just time to cut the cord and stop wasting time on a relationship that REALLY isn't going anywhere and seems to have run it's course. She won't change, she might grow up a little over time, but she might not.
Now if you look at it more objectively, are you still with her because it's sorta habit for you two to be together? Or because you two genuinely care?
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A
female
reader, Bu  +, writes (25 November 2013):
Move on !! There are so many other good women out there that would LOVE to have you !!! You have no idea. But,maybe you should look at yourself first and see if you are a co-dependent type -that wants and chose to be the one that does everything.Love yourself and move on.That would be the first step you take in favour of your self steem.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 If after 5 years she is still hard work and is not showing that she REALLY likes you or wants to commit to a future then I dont think there is much point in continuing.
She doesnt sound like a particularly nice person to be honest, you give and she takes - you are not equals in this relationship and it sounds like you are the one making all of the effort.
You are not wrong at all for feeling this way and sounds like you would be best off without her - time to move on. 5 years is long enough to have wasted on someone so dont waste any more time!
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