A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 23, and I have been seeing my girlfriend since I was one month shy of 22. She was my first, and before her I was a virgin. However, she has had a few ex-boyfriends. Anyway, I was talking to my girlfriend as she was sorting out photos on the computer, and one came up of her neaked from 5 years before, taken by her ex. naturally, this freaked me out (having had no past before) and things have gone from bad to worse. I can't get the picture out of my head, especially when I actually do see her naked. Then she has told me that she took another ex-boyfriend's virginity in the bed I used to share, and that she has done sexual acts in a car with him, which she will not do with me.I have now become jealous and upset, and feeling inadequate since I didn't have a past, and also because I have to know her past in intimate detail. Now she wants me to go to counselling because I can't get the picture out of my head, and just tells me to accept and 'get over it' what I have seen without any hint of apology for me seeing it. I just want to know what advice people have for me, and whether this is normal for me to be upset, especially as I particularly did not want to know her past in intimate detail
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her ex, her past, jealous, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mylove09  +, writes (29 November 2010):
first of all! why the hec would she tell u about her sexual past with her ex's! thats just wrong. no one wants to think of it, because i too would keep picturing in my head it normal thing. if you love her get over it, but if not move on!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 It's not so upsetting that she has a past than she was doing stuff to other guys but not you, and you wonder if she's really attracted to you. If she can't do it in the car, would she do it somewhere else, or do something like wear sexy lingerie to please you? What is the status of your relationship? My advice to you is actually to place less importance on this girl. Tell her you are not ready to go on the next level of the relationship and that you want to be single. Have fun with your youth. This is far better than going to a therapist. The more experience you have, the less you are going to obssess over having a virgin bride yourself, and your inexperience. You also learn cues about female attraction, you get insight on what a girl wants from you. You learn whether girls compartmentalize guys into the nice guy bad guy category, these are the ones you want to avoid. Some girls think one guy is good for sex because he's exciting, one guy is a good listener but otherwise boring, etc. I am not talking about hurting every girl you see and lying to them, telling them you love them to get them in bed. Propose the idea of going casual first, then after 20 attempts if you still can't get any girl then agree with having a relationship but only go slowly.
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A
female
reader, sxc_hotie  +, writes (29 November 2010):
I think its nothing about that pics why should you bother your self .. the only thing is that is her past and you cant avoid of that things .. as well as the experience she had with her ex.. but seems shes rubbing it in your face every details ,,.. so better you talk to her and tell her that you dont want to hear anymore about past ..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I am a female, and have been thru the same thing kinda. I didnt have my first "nude pic" taken till I was almost 30, im few years older now. But have seen plenty of him. Yeah I kinda freaked at first. Yeah it was prob jealousy that another woman took them, and not me. But I shocked myself and took my own of him. It helped. First, she wanted you to see the pic or it would not have come across the screen. Why don't YOU try to take your own pics, that might help get that image out of your head and replace it with a better one. You don't need a therapist, learn from her. These "car" acts you talk of she wont do with you, well if you are willing to, then go to a store or look online for ideas you are comfortable with and surprise her with something she hasn't done before. You will forget all about the old and wanna bring in more new stuff.A author I HIGHLY recommend, is Kim CattrallShe is AWESOME.GL to you :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): At first I though one picture, why is the guy so hung up about it? But now i see. She is rubbing it in your face a bit.
If things feel tainted they won't go back to how they were unless YOU can just move on from it mentally. I wish the guy I had shared my first experiences with had also been experiencing his first time but it doesnt work like that and we just have to accept that.
I know how you feel x
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