A
male
age
30-35,
*esR
writes:There's this girl I'm friends with. We've been friends for a while now but never met because she lives in a different country from me. We talk on the phone alot and have become really close. She tells me that she loves me, I'm the first boy to treat her right and make her feel loved and I'm a good friend. She says she knows she can't have me but can't stop having these feelings for me. I don't know what to do because I don't know how she can love me and we've never met. I like her to and I'm attracted to her. She said she wants to be friends with benifits and I don't mind because she is very sexy We've even had phone sex a couple of times. I'm confused and feel bad because she seems really emontionally attached to me and I'm not. What should I do.
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male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 Phylosopher F.Nietzche said "We are more in love with desire than THE desire". By this he meant that we are more in love with the idea of being in love with a person rather than being with this person. In her imagination you are the perfect man, she customized you to her standards, she created a virtual you and she is in love with that perfect idea. I don't think that's bad...on the contrary is soothing and comfortable. It satisfies a need that might not be satisfied in the real world. I would say enjoy it, but I'm sure at some point you will get tired because it's a virtual relationship, not a real one. Best of luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): it is probs jst a fantasy she will get over it eventually
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): This is funny because I have a similar situation.
The fact is, there's no foundation for her feelings. That's it - period.
There's no way to really know someone without having really met them in person. Seeing how they really are in person is a huge part of knowing a person. Phone or email relationships are kind of an act. You put on a show displaying certain sides of yourself without the other stuff.
If you both know that you'll never be together face to face, then I don't see a problem with doing what you're doing. But also keep in mind that if what's going on is inhibiting finding a real relationship for either of you, then maybe it's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Frenzotic +, writes (22 December 2009):
 I think here she needs you emotionally more than anything. She's a bit lost in a fantasy, you gotta help her realise the reality of it.
I'm assuming that despite your attraction to her you don't feel the way that she does. You need to help her face reality, only you can help her here because she's so fixated by you.
Don't have phone sex with her as it'll just make her more emotionally attached to you.
You need to both stop this, move on to be able to allow her to move on and stop feeling so attached. That isn't to say you both have to completely cut contact but you both need to change the theme of the conversations to strictly good friends.
I've been through this similiar notion and trust me, you don't need to lose a good friendship if you can keep it strictly non-romantic.
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A
female
reader, Kirstyteenauntireland  +, writes (22 December 2009):
 I know the feeling hun when you become friends with someone who lives in a different country and they say they love you. The best advice I can give you is to tell her the truth. tell her that you cant handle the distance. And you shouldn't really be leading her on with phone sex that will make her feel like you want what she wants. Tell her that you want to remain good friends and that No matter what you,ll be there for her
Good Luck :)
xxx
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A
male
reader, paulofessex +, writes (22 December 2009):
 I would really consider where this friendship is going, because that l feel is all it is, a friendship. Just what is the likelyhood that you will actually meet. Are you being fair to each other?
Also l don't mean to stereo type here, but l wonder what country she is from as it is known for people to be drawn in and requests made for money to be sent.
Best wishes
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