A
male
age
36-40,
*dw88
writes:I've been dating a girl for about four months now. I've met her parents, and we're going abroad for a holiday next week. Things are great when we are together, except for one thing: she neither loves me (she 'likes me a lot'), nor does she consider me her boyfriend. When her friends ask her If I'm her boyfriend, she says no. She wont even let me hold her hand when we are around them, let alone kiss me. Its like she wants people to think we are just friends.Last Wednesday night, we had our first argument over a guy that was flirting with her all day and night, and she was going along with it. Apparently, she thinks its OK to flirt with other guys literally right in front of me, to agree to go out on dates with them and tell me about it as if I'm supposed to be happy about it, and then she just can't understand why I feel hurt and upset. Apparently, its none of my business because 'other guys like her'. I spent the last three days feeling extremely hurt and miserable because I just can't believe she could do and say something like that to me.I just don't understand. It's as if she's ashamed of me. I'm very kind to her, I tell her I love her often (and I mean it), I spend a lot of time with her and I go out of my way to do nice things for her. What can I do to make her love me, to understand the way I feel?
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (29 March 2010):
Bud if she was in love with you she wouldn't be acting like this. Don't ever believe a woman who says "that's just how I am". When she is in love with a guy she doesn't do things like this. I can say that about guys too to be honest. Just look at how you are towards her. You really love her so you give her a pass you wouldn't give other girls
A
male
reader, jdw88 +, writes (29 March 2010):
jdw88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are paying half each. I don't want to consider breaking up unless its a last resort. I love her too much. She is not a bad person at all and I don't believe for a second that she would purposely hurt my feelings, she is just on such a different emotional wavelength that she has no idea she is hurting me.
However, your replies have made some things clear to me. She is not treating me the way I deserve to be treated, considering how good I've been to her. I will definitely speak to her about the way I feel about this relationship, and see how she responds. Then I will decide where to go from there. Thanks for your opinions and advice, its all very much appreciated.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (29 March 2010):
I won't even suggest telling her to choose as she already does that by flirting with other guys. Just stop seeing her. When a girl does this its different than when a guy does it. Girls are sadistic and manipulative. They will without any thought use their sexuality to control you. You have to show her that you won't be had with that. Basically let her know that you can find what you want wether its her or someone else. And yea stop with the "ilove yous" and the attempts at affection. Make her work for it and show indifference. I guess I'm sayin show her your a man and not a mouse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Don't let her treat you that way ! You sound like a really sweet guy and you deserve better than that. Your not her doormat. I say break up with her she dose not even consider you her boyfriend so thats just a bad sign right off the bat. You deserve to be with somebody who feels the same way you feel about them. I know its hard when you love somebody to let go I've been thier myself but believe me one day you'll look back at this and say "why was I with her" It may hurt for a while but I promise it will only get better and you'll learn from the experiance. Good luck take care.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 You can't do nothing to make her love you. You can do a lot to make her respect you, however: walk away.
Would you do this to her? No, because you love her. There, you can see why she does it to you. It's not about what you have done for her, you know? It's that she never loved you in the first place and is only using you. She seems to find pleasure in putting you down. Be true to yourself and leave.
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