A
male
age
30-35,
*????
writes:I've written about this situation before but I would love answers to this question. Theres a girl that I like and the feelings that I have for her are the deepest I've ever had for someone. I sat next but one to her in a class until recently and we got on well. She was always chatty and smiley to me and I used to love talking to her. About six weeks ago I plucked up the courage to ask her out by letter. In the letter I told her how beautiful she was and how she makes me feel. I got an answer straight away. She said that she liked me as a friend but she would like to go out with me but only outside of school because she didn't want any hassle. I was so happy that I basically went around for the rest of the day with a huge smile on my face. Although the next day one of her friends gave me a letter from her saying that she thought it was unfair of her to go out with me because she values me as a friend. She also said that she wanted to concentrate on her GCSE's. I was so gutted and to make matters worse I had a class with her afterwards. In the class we didn't speak and I just couldn't bring myself to look at her. She also looked pretty down herself. The next day I gave her a letter saying that we needed to talk but I didn't say where. The day after that I gave a friend to give her a letter saying if we could at least give the relationship a try. Also on the letter I said if she would meet up with me somewhere. She didn't accept the letter so when she seen me she gave me a horrible look like I was stalking her. I didn't know at the time that she hadn't seen the letter so she didn't know why I was waiting for her. Then her friends said that she felt pressurized and that I should back off. I did but now she doesn't involve me in conversation like she used to and she now will not look me in the eye when she talks to me. I friend of mine asked her to meet me but she was rushing trying to finish work at the time so she didn't take much notice of them. The only time I will now see her is when we do our exams. I'll never see her again after that because she's going to a different college than me. Should I confront her and tell her why I was waiting for her and ask her why she said yes or should I never talk to her again? I just get the feeling now that she feels like I'm a wierdo stalker (which I'm not!)and I feel like I should set things straight.
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male
reader, Nasty Ashman +, writes (16 May 2007):
It seems that no matter how hard you try to put things right with her, you'll only end up putting yourself more into a bad light. The only suggestion I can give is that perhaps you tell her friend that you'll back off and promise not to send her anymore letters etc.
Not the answer you wanted to hear I'm sure but the only one I can think of that will at least help to restore your friendship to the way it was. That at least is better than nothing?
And even though she is going to a different college there is no reason why you can't keep in contact. But that all depends on how you proceed with her in the here and now.
A
female
reader, gf123 +, writes (15 May 2007):
 The thing that strikes me most about your problem is all the letters flying backwards and forwards and all the friends that are involved.
A letter can be misinterpreted, it can be read by others who may be critical and it does not give you a chance to exchange views immediately. I think that the way forward in this situation is to stop going through friends and letters and to talk to this girl face-to-face and tell her how you feel.
Try to do this away from the school environment and away from her friends, who shouldn't really be involved in this situation anyway. Also try to be confident, it may be that she doesn't feel the way that you assume that she does. Perhaps she has been having a hard time from jealous friends? There are any number of reasons why she may seem distant.
Be prepared for this girl to tell you that she does just want to be friends, but don't let this get you down. Friendships are often more long-lasting than relationships at your age and maybe one day it could grow into something more.
Best of luck
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