A
male
age
36-40,
*nadin
writes:Heya, I dont really want to be in this position, but:I am in two minds about my GF speaking to her ex, I've never liked it, and its been hard work for me to let them talk and see each other, they broke up just under a year ago, she says she misses who he used to be and he is such a laugh when she is with him, she enjoys his company. i let them talk because she came back with a big smile on her face. i felt the pain i went through emotionally while they where out (im not allowed to come along, she thinks mine and her ex's personality will clash) is worth the smile and the light hearted mood she is in afterwards. about 3 weeks ago he attacked me on her facebook profile. calling me a p**k and some other things over something that i felt was harmless, i said that the two of them could go to the mall because he hasnt got anyone to go with. my Gf has asked him to be civil but he cant.last week i said it looks like he misses her by the amount of calls and texts he sends her and how much he begs her to come out and see him, then the other day he text her saying "i miss you hahaha lol" i picked up the phone and saw this (her phone has text preview) and asked what it was about. she said it was him being silly, i thought it might be a knock against me because she told him what i was thinking, she said no it was a joke against her. he then texted her later saying that he knew i was there when he sent that. my Gf then claims that he's being an idiot and dosent think. it was meant to be a joke between him and her. it sounds like it was at my expense. The final straw happened when my sister came through and exclaimed that my GF's Ex had added her on FB sent her a message saying she was fit, should leave her current BF for him. I was outraged. I then told my GF he needs to go or i go, shes putting up all kinds of excuses for him saying he didnt think before he did it and he dosent see what he's done wrong, he needs to act up because he wants the attention, he needs me for emotional support cause his friends dont give him that.i tried my hardest to let them be friends, but if he's gonna do little things like that, which are attacks against me and wind me up then something needs to be done, im going to meet my GF later at the local forest for a chat, she dosent want me to leave, but she dosent want to stop talking to her Ex, shes put up such a hughe fight about it, and wants me and her ex to just fight it out amongst ourselves. im sorry but she is the one thats kept the ex in the picture n in that respect shes the one thats responsible for him? she wants to keep us appart then she has to play middleman n not palm it off on us. ami wrong for wanting her to stop contact with her ex because she cannot seem to do anything about the way he is behaving? what is your take on this, i am up to the top of my head with all of this, im hurting and fed-up :/ i dont want her to despise me for ruining her friendship with her ex or have to lie to me about it, i want to say one more chance, but i know emotionally i would not cope and her accusations of me being paranoid would come true. i dont care if they are friends etc, but i care about what's said about me, my relationship and my GF, he cant slander it or cause trouble and then get off retribution free. there has to be some consequence right? I've told her Him or me in the meantime.
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male
reader, Anadin +, writes (4 November 2009):
Anadin is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi, thanks for the advice, I have decided to put up with it, I love her very much. She is starting to see what a jerk her ex is being, but she is still making plenty of weak excuses for him. hopefully she will push him away and keep him as just an acquaintance in future. I'm gonna try my best to ignore it, hard as it is already and help her to make more friends.
A
female
reader, emilymarie26  +, writes (30 October 2009):
You are such a big person for putting that much trust in her. She really needs to open her eyes and see how lucky she is to have a guy like you. But you are right, him attacking you and leaving her texts like that is not respectful of your relationship with her, and it needs to stop. It's up to her to put an end to it since he's her friend, not yours. If you step in for her, she'll push you away and accuse you of being paranoid, just like you said. As far as I can see you have two choices. Talk to her about it and either she chooses to take responsibility for him and takes care of it, or you get stuck having to deal with it for the length of your relationship. Honestly though, if she can't put your feelings first and respect you, then she doesn't deserve you or the respect you give her.
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