A
male
age
36-40,
*uy1521
writes:I dated a girl, who I absolutely fell in love with from the first time I met her. However, things did not work out for us. It was my fault, I said things I shouldn't have. I have continued to have feelings for her. She continues to want to be friends and ask me out to dinner, even after she has become engaged. We have had our problems in the past, however, when she continues to want to see me, even with this other guy in her life; I don't know how to handle it. I still have feelings for her that won't go away. I wish I could just be friends, but I just can't be friends, my feeling are too strong. What should I do; especially when she tell me she still loves me, but as a friend?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): I've noticed it's always the dumper who says I still love you and want to remain friends. That's a crock of shit. It's nothing more than yet another way of them to behave in a way for their benefit. They could give a dunk about how the dumpee feels. It's about them not having to feel like they wronged or hurt the dumpee so a friendship would symbilize forgivess for them or it's a way to keep you as a for sure fall back if the grass aint greener on the other side. Finish her off lad.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): I say send her packing. She wants it both ways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): You have two choices. Stay friends, which is what she would like (there's nothing wrong with being friends with an ex after all). Or end the friendship on the grounds that you love her and cannot deal with the idea of just being friends. It's difficult. Maybe something in the middle will work. Wean yourself off her, get on with your life in an active way, and keep a distant sort of contact but nothing that is too close.
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A
female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (1 January 2011):
 Letting go of a 1 sided relationship is one of the hardest steps anyone has to do.
But until you let go of her, your days will be full of saddness & confusion. Take cdontrol of your life.
Man up - tell her you cannot see her anymore its all or nothing, being friends is not working for you.
Let go - have no contact in anyway for at least 3 months.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Why bother? She's being unfaithful to her future husband. She's cheater material. Leave her behind.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Anonymous male and Cupid 1234 are on point. People like her are idiots. Dismiss her. Be glad the other dude has her. I wouldn't be a woman who wanted her exmen in our relationship. Her loving you line is bs cause if she loved you she be with you and not him. Chuck her to dumpster
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): You need to cut her out of your life entirely. You'll never get over her and past this pain until you do. I know that sounds very hard to do, because your feelings are strong, but it's something you must do. She will never see you as anything but a friend.
You will, soon enough, meet someone else and you'll forget about this girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): This girl is only seeking a friendship. I see high emotions here and the fact she is engaged, I see the risk of something happening between you two that could result in a bad decision, simply because of high emotions. Use your best judgment here pal. I, personally, would break things with the lady for my own personal well being. Once I think of that, the emotions I have invested into the situation become useless and my logic and values come into better view. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, lexard  +, writes (1 January 2011):
 I think she wants your friendship to be intact even after the engagement.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 January 2011):
 She is being entirely honest with you. Where once she may have had thoughts of you, closer than she has today, she still likes you. As a friend.
She has met someone else who is more than a friend. A person is engaged to. Someone she loves enough to marry.
She has tried to soften the blow for you. She is respectful of her future husband.
And hard as it is to have to accept, this lady is now only able to be your friend. She has been claimed by another, as the love of her life. And she has agreed to accept his offer, so she feels he is the love of her life.
It is a tough lesson to face. And you do need to accept this reality, if you wish to remain friends with her.
She will remain friends with you, only as long as you accept that she is no longer available to you, as more than a friend. But out there is a lovely girl, just waiting to meet a really nice guy. There is your challenge, to go forth and find that new girl. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): I'd tell her that her commitment is to her fiancee, wish her well, and walk away never again looking back. The dump me but I love you as a friend is the worst insult for the person dumped. I would take it better if the girl poured a dump truck full of feces on me then giving me this pathetic insulting bullcrap. Dude I wouldn't even give her an answer. Fall of the face of her mountain of crap disappear. She's making an asshole out of you.
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A
male
reader, cupid_1234 +, writes (1 January 2011):
 Maybe she also loves you but unable to express as she is engaged to some other guy. Ask her to come with you if she really loves you. Be straightforward and tell that her that you can't love her as a friend. If she cant, then just stop talking to her and start finding a new one. There are plenty of awesome girls out there. If she truly loves you, she will come looking for you.
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