A
female
age
41-50,
*allenStar
writes:I have been in a relationship with a man who is 14 years older than me for 10 years. I got with him when I was 17. We had a lot of problems through the relationship, however, we kept going. I couldn't get pregnant, and it took 3 years of trying and 1 year of fertility treatment. We now have a little girl and we then got married to make us a proper family. I left him a few months ago as our differences became stronger and I fell completely out of love with him.Since then, I have met someone else. He has a girlfriend and he has two children to someone else who left him almost two years ago. He has been telling me since he first met me that he does not want to be with his girlfriend but he is finding it difficult to tell her. I have fallen for him, and we have been intimate with eachother on a number of occasions over the past month. He keeps telling me that he wants to get New Year over with and he is going to leave her. He isn't living with her, however, he visits her 3 / 4 nights a week. Last week, I realised I was late, so I did a test and it was positive. I have since done 4 more tests which have all been positive. I told him last week and he seemed ok about it... and he told me to re-test and text him the results as I haven't seen him since Thursday (2 days ago). He has been busy as it is his weekend with his daughters. He has phoned me every day to make sure I am ok, and I have told him that I have further positive tests. He wants me to send a picture but the tests are too faint. He told me a couple fo days ago that he broke down to his girlfriend and told her he didn't want to be with her anymore, but she talked him round. He says he didn't mention us, but she has asked if we are in a relationship. Since then, he has changed his tone in his voice, his texts are practically non-existant and I am concerned that maybe I am being blind and stupid... maybe he has told his girlfriend about us and she has been giving him advice so she can keep him. I know what I have been doing is completely wrong, and I am very stupid for getting pregnant, I honestly didn't think I could get pregnant so easily after my problems in the past. I don't know what I need to do, and he isn't being very open about what he wants anymore... but I don't want to be a single woman with two children to two different men. I don't think I could cope. I have done very well for myself through the past few years and I don't want to throw it away. I do love this man, but I know the circumstances are completely wrong. I know he is anti-abortion, and I am usually... but it has crossed my mind, I am panicking so much. I am also worried about how it will affect my ex (whom still loves me even though I don't love him) and my family will be shocked.How do I deal with this mess I have got myself into? Please help.
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female
reader, crazy beautiful  +, writes (6 January 2011):
People make mistakes. Simple.In the scheme of things, he truly is far too unstable to be your partner, why are you waiting for him to make the decision? He isn't going to! He is just going to cruise along with things the way they are, YOU make the decision!Pick yourself up, move on. I promise, everything will be ok ;-)
A
female
reader, FallenStar +, writes (5 January 2011):
FallenStar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I am starting to see that now. He is acting as though he really wants to be involved with everything to do with the pregnancy... but then in the next breath he says he is going to his girlfriend's tonight. I want him to be involved as it is his baby too, but I want him to tell me what he expects to happen in the future, so I can get on with things.
I am feeling horrible today. I got my pregnancy confirmed at the doctors this morning, and it has all hit me. I feel terrible for my ex, I know what he did was wrong, but I feel like what I have done to him is disgraceful. I honestly didn't think I could get pregnant... and it is going to tear him apart.
When I think of my little one, I feel better as I know it would be great for him to have a younger brother or sister, but it's just a horrible situation.
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A
female
reader, crazy beautiful +, writes (5 January 2011):
he's a douche. he has completely crapped onto you and told you everything you want to hear to get close to you, he is missing something in his relationship that he gets from you.
but now he is freaking out because you're el-preggo!
keep the baby, find yourself a real man..everything will be ok ;-)
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A
female
reader, FallenStar +, writes (3 January 2011):
FallenStar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Fabulosa. You have said exactly what I have been thinking for a couple of days... and I have decided I am going to keep it. I even talked to my mum about it yesterday and she agreed. I know I will have a tough time, the father has told me he will support me, which is nice to know... even if it isn't exactly the amount of support I would like from him, at least I wont be completely alone.
Today, is the first day I am feeling quite calm about it all... even looking forward to it a little.
Thank you everyone... this is a great site and it has really helped. xx
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A
female
reader, Fabulosa  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 For it being so hard for you to conceive you should be thanking god for the miracle of this baby! Yes you r in a hard soot (you put yourself in it) but look at ut child and know that u will feel for your baby that's in you that same way u feel for her. What if you can never get pregnant again?
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A
female
reader, FallenStar +, writes (1 January 2011):
FallenStar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: He has spoken to me tonight. He said he feels uncomfortable with all my texts. He said he was getting close to me, then I started sending all those texts and it put him off. I explained that in my position, I am bound to be a little crazy and it isn't usually like me. I said I didn't feel comfortable raising two children to two seperate dads single handedly, and he said he would raise the child. I am not comfortable with that. I know it sounds selfish, but if I can't raise the child with him, then I don't want to be the one bringing it into the world. I have to work with him, and I don't want him bringing up my child with someone else. We agreed that I would go to the doctors on Tuesday and do a proper test, and following the results, we would decide what to do. I am sort of getting my head around the idea that I have no option but the 'a' word. My tests are very faint so I must only be about 4 weeks. I just wish I could have seen this coming. He has really made me feel like he wanted to be with me. He has told me twice that he is in love with me... but things have rapidly changed. :-(
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A
female
reader, FallenStar +, writes (1 January 2011):
FallenStar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. I have texted him today and said the following:
"I am not handling this very well. I am thinking of confiding in my friend J as I really need to talk to someone. You are my first choice to talk to, but I have a feeling you are avoiding me and I suspect you have confided in your girlfriend which makes me feel uncomfortable. I just want it all to either go away or be ok"
He still hasn't responded. My other problem is, we are just going into business together. How can I work with him after I have gone through all this with him.
I am going to leave it now for the weekend, no matter how much I want to text him again... and hopefully if he doesn't contact me before Tuesday, I will see him when we are back at work and just tell him that I will have to take care of it. I don;t agree with doing that, but like you said, I can't be a single mum with two children to two different dads, not being able to afford to bring them up properly and give them the best start in life.
Thank you both again.
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A
male
reader, Jony  +, writes (1 January 2011):
Even if you get married with him it will be very difficult for you to cope with the other two children. It seems he is not so much in love with you. He might be only in emotional or physical relation with you. Just tell him directly what you feel, even take the lead to mention your relation is not on the right track and ask him to consider a break up. Then observe carefully his reaction and it will be up to you to take the right decision. Use reasoning and logic not your emotion.
Good luck and happy new year
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011): Don't rely on this man. Sounds as if he has cold feet and is now back with his girlfriend and blocking you out. You are going to have to embark on this pregnancy alone most likely. So think very carefully about your life and what you want. You have made a mistake - you must make the best decision for you and your children, taking all things into consideration. This man may be anti-abortion, but is he prepared to stand by you, support you emotionally and financially etc? I think the answer maybe probably no. If he's not contacting you, knowing your dilema,then why involve him in the decision you need to ponder.
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