A
male
age
41-50,
*ostInLove123
writes:Dear Cupid, I hope you can help? I will try and give you as much history as I can to make the picture clear. I can count on one hand the serious relationships I have had in my life. But everyone of those relationships ended with them cheating on me. I admit I have serious trust issues. About 6 months ago I met a lady who absolutely just blew me away. She really was amazing. And she told me she loved me and to be honest I felt the same way about her. The first 3 months were fantastic, but then I started to get suspicious of her. She wasn't doing anything. She told me this and I told her what had happened to me in the past. Anyway, one night she went out and I never heard from her. The next day when we met I absolutely lost it and I admit that. As a result she ended our relationship. I told her how sorry I was but she said without trust there is nothing. I tried to get her back but she just said 'no'. This was a couple of months ago. Then about 2 weeks ago. She got in touch and started texting and calling me. Then she asked if I wanted to go for coffee on Friday. We did and we ended up going back to mines. She stayed over and things happened. She told me she still wanted to be with me but we never could because I had messed things up. She started crying. I started crying. But since Friday we have seen each other every day. She keeps telling me we can only be friends but wants to be with me. I've told her I want her back. We are always kissing and cuddling and doing other things. I've told her this isn't what friends do. But what does she want? She tells me she loves me but is she just using me? I don't know anymore? Please help?
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female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (24 October 2012):
 I think she has real feelings for you but is conflicted because of the past. Logically she knows a relationship cannot last without trust, but in her heart she wants you. I think you need to have a real conversation outside of the bedroom. You need to explain again how you feel about her, you are sorry for the past and it was never that you didn't trust her- you just have issues that you will be working on, and then finally that you want a real true relationship again. If she says she can't and isn't willing to give it another try then you need to break contact and explain you will be breaking contact because you can't have a friends with benefits relationship with the girl you love.
If it comes to that and you break contact I have a strong feeling she will come back and change her mind. If she comes back be firm that you want an honest go at a relationship and not just sex and confused feelings. Also you really should look into counseling to deal with your trust issues. Even if it doesn't work out with this girl it will help you for future relationships.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 October 2012):
 I'm guessing she is using you as a "rebound" kind of thing. While the two of you were broken up did she date anyone else?
The thing is... SHE doesn't want a relationship with you, but she wants to be around you, so she sends a lot of mixed signals. For the sake of the both of you I think you ought to stop seeing each other, this will only end in heartbreak again. Whatever you two have got going on right now is not healthy.
And somehow YOU need to find a way to trust people again. So women in your past cheated on you, that REALLY doesn't mean every single women you will met will do that same. It's not fair for you to "assume" they will cheat because they have ovaries. Know what I mean?
She went out with friends and you "never heard from her" - well that OUGHT to be normal. You KNEW where she was and who she was with. She is a grown woman and shouldn't HAVE to call and check in with you. However, IF you had told her that it would be nice if she would give you a ring/text during the evening so you knew she was safe and sound you might not have had the issues you do now. YOU overreacted and that made her dump you.
As for her and you, I would give her a choice - let's try again or end it/cut contact 100%.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): "But what does she want?"
To keep her options open.
"She tells me she loves me but is she just using me?"
Not necessarily, she seemingly could be hatching other plots against you while concurrently using others. She seems to be the one randomly popping up and doing the most telling telling to lead you on, she seems to be the one randomly popping up and doing the most telling telling to keep you at arm's length, she seems the one doing the most telling telling . . . who has you whipped.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 October 2012):
 She is messing you around and playing with your emotions and you need to put a stop to this immediately.
She is obviously very confused and is experiencing conflicting emotions, she obviously likes you but cant get past whatever it was that you did on that day. Because of this she is messing you around, giving you hope by spending time with you but not actually taking you back.
Talk to her one last time - tell her either you are together properly and you give it another try, or you dont want anything more to do with her. You clearly cant be friends as you are kissing & cuddling etc, so trying to stay in touch wont work. It is all or nothing for you two, you are either together or you move on and cut each other out of your lives. Delete phone numbers, delete off Facebook - strictly no contact whatsoever.
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