A
male
age
36-40,
*k06
writes:I dated a woman for a little over a year. I ended up breaking up with her because of a few lies about her past. I couldn't care less about what she did in her past, but the lies made me realize that I can't trust her.I have moved on since then, and have been dating.For the last two months, every few days she will tell me how much she misses me. I agree to see her, but she always backs out at the last minute.I still care about her as a person. I always have, and I always will hate to see her anything less than happy. I dont know what to think. She tells everyone how she misses me, and how this is the worst breakup she has ever had, and that she wants me back... but then she doesnt act it.What should I do? Am I being respectable about everything?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 How did you find out about these lies from her past? Who told you about them? Have you considered she was maybe really embarrassed about her past and thought if you knew it was true you wouldn't want to be with her any more?
Everyone has skeletons in their cupboard, just some a bit more than others. Don't judge anyone on their past, judge them on what they're like NOW. The past we can't change but the future we can!
Eve
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (23 July 2007):
 I can understand this. You are right, that trust is what a relationship should be based on. However, my guess is that when it comes to her past, many women that are honest about it from the beginning find that many men can not handle it. These women get punished for having a past, or are seen as girls to use and then dump, so they have learned to lie about it UNTIL they feel more safe to open up.
I know that is not the way things are "suppose" to be, but in real life, you must figure in the context of how things "are". From her perspective, as soon as you found out, you dump her...which is EXACTLY why she did not tell you.
I beleive that is this is the ONLY thing she has lied about, it is understandable given our nature, and that you need to get over it. It is different for men, than it is for women.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, rk06 +, writes (23 July 2007):
rk06 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I see that I need to add a few things... I had told her many times that I didnt care about her past, because after all, I dont care.
I just believe that trust is the base of any relationship... so when she lied to me about all the things, I felt as though I had fallen in love with someone that didnt truly exist.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (19 July 2007):
Yes, I think you are being respectable, but look at it from her point of view. As soon as you learned the truth, you ABANDONED her, which is exactly why she felt the need to lie to you in the first place. I have to ask you, if you ever acted like you would not be able to handle the truth, which prompted her to lie to you?
All that being said, she is not going to open herself up again to you, until you prove that you will not abandon her again for the slightest transgression. I think that is the root fear. Why should she meet with you if only for you to abandon her yet again when she screws up.
-Frank B Kermit
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