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male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years. She's already starting to think seriously about marriage, but I'm not sure. I know I love her, but she's the first girl I've ever dated, and I can't help being physically attracted to other women, and wanting to be with them. We broke up briefly for about a month so that I could explore these feelings, but the girl I was attracted to wasn't interested, and during that time my girlfriend got together with an ex, and their hands got a little happy. Now, when she asks me if I still feel that way about other girls, I find myself lying and telling her no, out of the fear that I'll never find anybody else and that I'll never get her back if I leave. There are several girls who seem interested and I'm definetly interested in them; at the same time I love my girlfriend and don't want to loose her forever. I'm also worried that if we do get married without me having ever been with another women, that it could lead to me going astray. I'm seriously confused and I don't know what to do!
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (1 September 2006):
 You have been with this girl for 3 years, no wonder she is taking the relationship seriously!! Whatever do you mean ALREADY she is talking about marriage, etc..? 3 years is a long time!
You are acting like a small boy climbing a tree - you can't let go of one branch before you are grasping the next one firmly, or you will fall...Girls are NOT branches for you to swing on - they have feelings and minds of their own!!
If you are lying and keeping secrets from her now, imagine what it will be like in the future - there should be no secrets!!
I'm afraid you are imposing double standards here if you expect to take a break and see other girls, and meanwhile you think she should live like a nun and just sit there waiting for you to come back.
If you love this girl and don't want to risk losing her, then stay with her and make a commitment. If you can't trust yourself, who can? Not her, not anyone! So in that case, leave, and allow her to get on with her own life..if the feelings are still there and her love is as strong as ever - if the two of you are meant for one another, you will BOTH know it, and you WILL end up together.
You can't be so selfish as to stay with her just because you don't want to be alone she does not deserve this - it is NO basis for a relationship!!
In my opinion, you need to take a long break to think long and hard, see other girls, and let her see other boys - get it out of your system, and if you have no feelings - other than plain jealousy - whilst she is out of bounds to you; if you do not miss her and spend all your time wanting to be with her, then you should call it a day. Don't mess with her life and her feelings.. Be honest, talk to her about how you really feel - she deserves that at the very least - and she will thank you for being honest and not playing with her life. Love does not come around every corner, some people wait all their lives for that one person...Think about it, Take care.
A
male
reader, Zanders +, writes (1 September 2006):
 The grass is always greener on the other side - NOT.
A lot of guys get these feelings I am afraid, you really need to think about how you feel for your current girlfriend.
Why is she not doing it for you sexually?
Sounds to me like a bad start to a marriage.
Rethink your situation - you have one life, make the most of it.
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