A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend suggested we go away a few months ago on a specific date. Since then, shes never raised it - but I have on numerous occasions, offering to book things, asking if she was still interested, or even not wanting to go, and all the time she was still keen. I felt I did more than enough, but she never brought it up herself. But then a week before we said we'd go, after a final prompt, she told me she had decided it was too expensive.The problem isn't the holiday, but the lack of communication - it was her idea but she never brought it up further, despite not wanting me to sort it, and then just announcing she'd decided it was off - without coming to me to discuss the problem (ie expensive), and seeing if we could work on an alternative (maybe I chipped in a bit more, or we looked at somewhere less expensive).I'm worried this is all a bad sign for the relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (7 September 2017):
 I booked a few days in Paris over Christmas, as a surprise for my boyfriend. He's in uni, so I've been putting a little away each month, since June, to pay for 90+% of it.
We'd been talking about something like it hypothetically for a while, but two months after me booking it, he kind of freaked out about not being able to pay for any of it and not wanting to go for free. I'm hoping he'll change his mind, but he may not - and, with him living month to month, I wouldn't blame him if he said he can't.
My guess is your lady friend is worrying about the money, not your relationship. In theory, a holiday sounds amazing, but making it a reality is more difficult and can be very expensive, even when it doesn't seem like it will be. It all adds up.
Postpone it.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (6 September 2017):
You could always ask her what's going on. She may have a perfectly good reason for her actions but you're not going to find that out here.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (6 September 2017):
YOU HAVE IT WRONG.That's a sign that she is a girl, and she can change her mind from one day to another. It's not generalization or anything: it's how things work.I can't tell you how many times this has happened with my GF, and with the women in my family. This is very common an normal, and it's not a red flag or a bad sign.I have learned to accept this fact through the years. If you have a plan A, please always have a plan B and C (IN SECRET if possible), because girls can either get sick, or in a bad mood, or money can be lacking, or any other kind of unforeseen situation could happen.What you can do, is next time, have her organize everything. If she does not show any enthusiasm or commitment to her own ideas, it means she wasn't really sure of her idea. Let her decide and do all the stuff and hardworking, and only pitch in when she ask you for your help, but never go beyond that, because you'll get disappointing again. Remember, this is normal girl behavior, it's nothing wrong with it, it's not a communication problem. It's just that when a girl says you a "YES", sometimes it means a soft "NO" or a kind of "MAYBE". In computer science, we call this "Fuzzy Logic", so you need to learn a little to make things run smoothly.Best luck!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 Sit down and talk to her about this. It sounds like she was to embarrassed to tell you she could not afford to go. So she kept putting it off. Maybe you could both save and go in a few months time to somewhere nice?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 September 2017):
 I don't think it's any of what you think. I think it's a matter of her ego and the fact that she was too proud to admit that she couldn't afford it, despite having suggested it first. Maybe she thought over it and saw that it wasn't within her means and didn't want to ask you for help. That's why she didn't bring it up again, because she didn't want to get into this discussion as it would make her feel bad
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2017):
 I do think it is an issue. It might be fixable though. And that has to happen through communication.
My guess is that she was waiting for you to OFFER to pay. And when that didn't happen and you kept bringing up holidays she shot it down with an "it's too expensive". And it might BE (for her). She didn't want to ASK you directly, to spend money on her, she wanted you to OFFER.
My advice, talk to her. Tell her you would really like to go on a holiday. That you need to know what her budget would be so that you can figure out where that can take you both. Suggest that maybe you BOTH can put away some money for a spring getaway (if that is a possibility) and if you start now, chances are it's affordable.
How long have you two dated? Do you live together or separate? Do you know her financial situation?
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 September 2017):
 Perhaps the test would be to say that you want, need, and deserve a holiday and, if she isn't going to come with you, does she mind your going without her?
I think her reply might tell you something about the state of your relationship.
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