A
male
age
36-40,
*ich549
writes:About 2 years ago my girlfriend started a relationship with her ex for about 2 months behind my back (we had been together for 3 years at the time). They had been in an online relationship for years before we were together and talked frequently on the phone once we were together which i was ok with cus they were just friends and had never actually met.When i found out that something was going on i asked her to stop seeing him and she got rid of him and never spoke to him again, she swears it went no further than kissing and that she only did it cus he has always been there for her, she was jealous of my new job/car etc and thort she loved him (but realised she was in love with the guy at the end of phone and didnt love him in person), she was bored with our relationship and was depressed/needed to feel wanted by someone else.She has lied to me for the last 2 years about this so that i wouldnt get hurt and has told me 4 different stories for it (each one with more details because she didnt want to hurt me.She saw him for a week in london while she was visiting her nan (he lives in london too) an they hung out in the town where we live, which she asked me if i was ok with beforehand and i sed yes cus i thort they were jus friends, i know she went back to his flat where he tried to touch her up but she says she pushed him away and then left, they carried on seeing each other for a month and a half after that (every weekend he would travel up to the town where we live) until i asked her to stop seeing him cus i wasnt comfortable and knew something had happened.Anyway, we talked about it last night and she said that she was in love with the guy at the end of the phone but when she met him in person she didnt like who he was and he was an embarrasment because of the way he acted, she did want to have sex with him before they met but says that she didnt want to anymore once they met in person.According to her, she kept seeing him because she didnt know how to tell him she didnt want it and that he was a break from her life because she was depressed and needed to feel wanted.She is very secretive by nature anyway but i cant believe she has kept this a secret, i really do love her but i dont know what to do, and i think it may have gone further, her ex has emailed me to say that they had sex a couple of times and my girlfriend emailed him saying that he was a liar why does he want to ruin her relationship so he replied saying to my girlfriend that she "knows what happened and shouldnt try to deny it cus it only makes her look stupid". She still swears nothing more than kissing ever happened.What do other people think?(sorry about the long post but i couldnt make it shorter and need help..)
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a break, depressed, her ex, jealous, kissing, liar Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I could go either way about this girl. Maybe she did or maybe she didn't do more than just what she says.But either way, I don't think you can trust her not to do it or to tell you the truth about it later.Your position isn't that much different whether you think she did or not. You've got reason to be upset and to feel betrayed.
A
male
reader, Rich549 +, writes (30 April 2008):
Rich549 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyones response.
Chris, couldnt the image of deceit be representative of the fact that she was making me think they were just friends all the time they were together?
I was fully aware that they were seeing each other so i spose it would make sense in a way but i also see what you mean about her deceiving him into thinking she wants the same as him just to add something new to her life to makes things more interesting/exciting and to get the feeling of being wanted by someone else that she needed so much.
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A
male
reader, agonyunclechris +, writes (30 April 2008):
 hi.
i dont want you to think because i am a psychic i will instantly be correct but i see that the pair had a strong emotional bond? freinds or lovers i dont know. but i also see the picture of deciet, this means that she may have been decieving the other man, this backs her story that she wanted to end the relationship but didnt..
Now it seems to me that you refuse to be at rest until you hear that she did have sex. Why? do you want her to have done this so that you can move on from her. if you move on with her now and not forget but move on and leave this incident in the past i can see that your relationship will only go from strenght to strenght. if you insist on dwelling on this incident then you will be living in the past and will ignore the present which will just pass you by. dwelling on this anylonger will mean you will forget what is good in your relationship and it will fall apart. Keep us posted. L+L Chris
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 April 2008):
 It may not be as terrible as you are probably thinking it is.
No one is perfect. You say you love her, and I'm sure she loves you. Few people go through life without at least thinking about having a relationship with someone other than the partner they are with at the time - and even after it is over few will ever tell their partner they nearly went off with someone else.
She says she kissed him and nothing more. I suggest you would be best accepting that and moving forward with her. Of course you have a nagging suspicion there might have been more, and of course you are now more than a little cautious about what she might do in the future. That's a natural reaction, but don't let it make you overly jealous and suspicious of her.
Just take it as it comes, and do your best to trust her in the future - if she wanted to be with him then that's where she would be right now. She made her choice, and you won.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (30 April 2008):
 You wont be satisfied until you are told - yes it happened. It will eat away at you as she has changed her story so many times so you need to sit her down one last time and ask for the full story. If you cant handle the truth and dont want to lose her can you live with not knowing and put this aside? You need to decide what you would do if she admits it. If you want her to stay reassure her that you dont want to split up but if it comes out in the future it will be even harder. This is not going to be easy either way as she has already hurt you and betrayed you by keeping it secret for so long. Think long and hard and good luck x
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