A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, im quite young and still a virgin. I recently got a new girlfriend which i love very much but she is very shy and has not done much with any other boy except me.She is quite shy, and i have dry fingered her (over her pants), but she doesnt feel comfortable me doing it properly. We are moving quite slow but i dont want to rush her, is there possibly any specific reason she might not want to?Also, she feels wet sometimes but i doubt that i have ever made her orgasm from fingering her over her pants, and she has never made any signs of reaching her climax, so i was just wondering if it was possible to make her orgasm by fingering her over her pants, and how long approximately it might take, with or without her pants on?I know it takes longer for girls to orgasm faster but i just wanted to know how long around it takes to make them climax through fingering. Answers would be very much appreciated,thanks :)
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fingering, orgasm, shy, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (1 May 2008):
 ps Also must agree with LazyGuy - the one thing you must NEVER EVER do if you want to give a woman an orgasm is to think about, mention or in any way count how much time it takes!!!! For damn sure if you even start thinking 'hmm, is this taking too long?' then she will sense it and you can forget it - she won't get there. No clockwatching.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (30 April 2008):
Very good answer from Tisha-1. Yep, she's said it all there. Remember that women are VERY EMOTIONAL and if it's not working in their head, you can bet it won't be working anywhere else ...
The most important thing to remember is that your girlfriend must be totally relaxed and happy to enjoy any kind of sex with you. And yes, telling her how much you love her and how beautiful she is WILL work, and will make her feel happy and safe. And when she feels like that, that's when it doesn't take long at all for a woman to have an orgasm. But she must feel that safety, first, especially as she is so shy and inexperienced. I'm sure you can make her feel happy ; )
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Hi, I'm happy to hear that you're concerned for her pleasure but I want to tell you a couple of things to think about from a woman's point of view. I'm not trying to bash you about this but I think you are asking because you are a bit frustrated and don't know what to do. So please don't take this as criticism, okay?
First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimulating and what an orgasm feels like. Seriously. I know that may sound crazy to a young man, but for guys, things in that area are a lot easier to figure out. For girls, well, we're told not to be too easy and are discouraged from exploring our bodies and frankly, lots of us at that age didn't have a clue what to do.
Second, she may be so worried about this that she simply can't relax and enjoy the feelings of being stimulated. I think that it's a lot easier for a guy to just 'let go' and not let the brain get in the way of feelings, but for lots of girls, there is so much worry built into the system, like, does he really like me, am I really pretty, and I know I should be feeling good but I'm so worried that I can't feel anything but I know I should be feeling something, and omigod what if he wants to go further, I don't want to, but I like him so much and I don't want to lose him and... You see? Her thoughts may be getting in the way. Once this train of thoughts is started, there's a whole lot of things that get in the way of her just relaxing and enjoying the moment.
You said she was shy and didn't have much experience. I can almost guarantee you that she is having these thoughts.
Third, now that you understand that her brain is part of all her sexuality, you can begin to understand what she is feeling. And I think that for lots of guys, rough is good, firm hands, hard motions, that kind of thing. But for girls, well, we tend to want things a bit gentler, not always and not all the time, but if we're new at this, gentle is better. If you are going in there and rubbing her like you might rub yourself then she's probably not feeling anything but a bit of pain. The thing to pay attention to, and this is very important, this is the whole key for you to understand, the thing to pay attention to is how she is touching you. This is a big cue for how she wants to be touched. If she is touching you with soft gentle hands then that is how she would like to have you touch her. I know that you may be being driven crazy by her not just 'going for it' but, if you understand this, you will be a wonderful lover.
Fourth, she really may not want to be going as far as you want to go yet. She may be going along with you to please you, because she cares about you. So please keep that in mind!! And don't rush her.
Fifth, there is no fixed timetable for how long it takes for a girl, especially an inexperienced, shy one. I don't care if you can time yourself with a stopwatch, I know for certain that she never has.
If I were you, I'd make sure that she really wants to even fool around first, then I would make sure that she feels loved, cared for, kiss her all over and NOT PRESSURE her!
Again, I am so happy to hear that you care about how she's feeling, and I think that is the sign of a truly good lover. You've taken your first steps, now don't go and push too hard, okay?
Kiss her lots and let her know that she is wonderful and beautiful and don't push her into things she really doesn't want yet. It may be frustrating and sooooo hard but in the end, you both will be much happier for taking things slowly and gently...
All the best, and one more auntie thing. Safe sex, okay? :)
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Don't rush the poor girl, it ain't a race.
Remember that women are not men, they need more and more varied stimulation then just being jerked off.
Play with her body, all of it and take your time. There is no battle plan, no fixed set of moves you got to make. Their is no secret combo (well there is but I am not telling) that will do it. Just relax, have fun and enjoy it. Holding a stopwatch is definitely NOT the right way to give a woman an orgasm.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): So do you have another appointment? Are you getting bored?What's this obsession with how long it takes?
Oh, alright, on average about 27min 24sec.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan anyone tell me around about how long it would take please?
And is it possible that the reason is because she doesnt feel pleasure from fingering?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan anyone tell me around about how long it would take please?
And is it possible that the reason is because she doesnt feel pleasure from fingering?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan anyone tell me around about how long it would take please?
And is it possible that the reason is because she doesnt feel pleasure from fingering?
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 April 2008):
 In answer to your question, everyone is different. Also, you will get better at touching her in the way she needs to be touched as you learn about her body and how it reacts. We aren't all the same and don't all react in the same way.
If she doesn't want to rush, then in fact that's probably much better. You said you are inexperienced and that she is too, so taking it slowly a little at a time will give you the chance to learn about each other without the rush and expectation of "leaping in the deep end without a lifebelt". That also means that when you are both ready, it will almost certainly be very much better than it would have been otherwise, because by that time you will know so much more about each other.
Enjoy finding out. It's all wonderful!
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