A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:me and my partner have only been together for about 2 months now. in the beginning everything was going on fine and then slowly i began to see a slight change to her.had a feeling it was to do with her ex through over hearing phone calls and also through her blog. it was then clear to me when i went on myspace and saw that she had changed her top friends list, she had now put her ex profile pic before me. i summed up courage and asked her if she still has feelings for her ex, and she said yes, she said the feelings just came back, but she said she still wants to be with me. i really like her alot and i dont wanna lose her...i cried for a whole day! do you think this sort of relationship can have a positive outcome? please give me advice!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): Welcome to my world a week ago. Only it was a "he" who announced to me "on-line" (no less) that he had returned back to a former girlfriend. That they were going to give it "another try" now having the walls "come down" and with his thanking me for my friendship but that he needed to focus and move on with his life. That he hoped I would understand with a simple "goodbye". Can you say insensitive?How do I feel? Well "used" is the first thing that came to mind and never having really let me in right from the beginning. Never giving our new relationship the time and consistent effort needed to make it work. He even went as far as to say that I was "perfect in so many ways", but obvioiusly not enough. I felt the relationship was always one-sided. I also sensed many time that he wasn't completely over her. That he would take her back in a New York Minute. It was always present between him and I neer giving our relationship the chance it needed to get off the ground. I think he was also emotionally unavailable thereby his wanting to return back to his former girl...she was the one in their relationship that was emotionally unavailable to him. Do I think a second attempt at your relationship will work? That would depend on the dynamics of their relationship and what went wrong in the first place. If the problems they encountered during their time spent together can be rectified by work and understanding and of course the desire has to be equal on both parts. But that doesn't mean it will work. I don't totally believe that people change. It takes alot of work and alot of soul searching for a person to truly change the person they are. Awareness would be my choice in change. Not all are able to achieve this.I feel that whatever problems existed in their relationship the first time will eventually surface a second time around. It could even be possible that both parties might think they will feel the same towards one another only to realize that there has been a shift in their own feelings, that the time spent apart had changed their original perspective of their relationship not making it the same when intimate or in the true reality of their relationship. So time will tell my friend as it will for me and this guy who is hopeful that he and his former booty-call girlfriend will work again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008):
Im in this situation at the moment.We've been together for 1 year and 5 months she broke up with me 4 days ago and told me that our relationship doesn't have direction and she cannot manage to handle our relationship. but i was still not satisfied on what went wrong with our relationship. I thought that everything is flowing smoothly. When I talk to her again, she told me that she is still have feelings for her ex lover ages ago and cannot moved on. For me it's really hard to let her go because for me it really hurts but we need to end this because it will be unfair to have a one way relationship. right now we decided to be just frieds, though it really hurts and What im doing right now is to to move on live my life and hoping that she will realize soon how to live at present, look at the future and forget the past
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit seems like everyone agrees that i should let go. It is gonna be hard and so difficult. i recieved a text from her, stating that, she likes me alot and she dont want me feeling that it is a one way thing because it aint and that she really want to be with me. we have been on the phone to each other all day, i have not brought up the topic though. i forgot to add that after i asked if she still liked her ex, i asked her if she still had feelings for her ex when she asked me to be her girl and i said she should be honest with me, she said no that she was over her ex at that time. wot do u think about that?
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A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Just move on darling. I know how it feels to always be second best, and its certainly not satisfying in the least. Tell your girlfriend that things just cant work out if she still has feelings for her ex. I know its hard to realise but maybe you were just a rebound, bait for the big fish and she only went out with you to get back at her boyfriend. I dnt know, but mos of the time this is what happens. She wants you for comfort becuase her ex isnt giving it to her, thats probably why she still wants to be with you.You should go on a break with her for now and if things dont improve in that time then perhaps you should just move on. Dont be the one who has to suffer when there are plenty of wonderful girls out who will love you and wont have any strings attatched.Goodluck
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 You will always be second best!
If you like this position , then stay .
You are the spare tire ,just in case she gets spurned by the ex again.
Being needy or clingy is a turn off to both males and females alike.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Move on. Better still take some time as a single person, develop your interests, then you will be more desirable.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (17 March 2008):
From experience I would say move on. Until someone is over their ex they will not make a good partner, and you certainly will not be first on their mind in most circumstances. And you always seem to be compared (even if it's favourably it still wears you down to know that they are thinking of them).
It's horrible to know that if they said lets get back together you would be dropped like a hot potato. Or that they are only with you to annoy the ex.
You'll find someone who is more available to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Well, this is my point of view, but dont take it if you dont want to. I think you will be better off moving on. I met someone very quickly after my marriage broke up and really he was a rebound jobby. He was going to his ex's house every day to see their son and dog. They only live a few yards from his house. I thought after some time the gap would become bigger but it has never ever happened. We split up after 11 years and we had a son together, but he is still friends with her and they have never fallen out. whereas me and him dont speak any more. He always said from the beginning that he still had feelings for her. Yes, they dont go away. So if i was you i would think carefully about the relationship and be prepared to move on. Triangles never work, i am living proof.
take care
xx
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