A
male
age
41-50,
*onfusion101
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and living together for three. Last month she moved out and got an apartment because she said I wasn't ready to move forward with the relationship and I had been taking her for granted. I told her the day she moved out that I was waiting till the holidays to propose to her and that I loved her and didn't want to lose her. I told her that I had planned to ask her to marry me over the holidays. We continued to see each other for 6 weeks and she sometimes said she needed her space, but there was nobody else. I asked her if she wanted to be free and break up, but she said she wanted to stay together. I started to check up on her and found she was talking to a guy on the internet and on the phone. She ended up sending him a bunch of nude pictures through email of herself. She never met with him. I confronted her and she called him and told him to not call or email any more. She cries about how much she hurt me and herself. She said she loves me and only me and doesn't know what she was thinking. We are still together and I love her, but i feel like a fool. Should I breakup with her? Will I get over this. I just can't stand she has exposed herself to someone else and perhaps now many others with these pics? I'm confused about my pride and possible dependency issues. Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): I hate to say this, but she would eventually have met this guy, and here's why:
If she were merely an exibitionist, you would have known by now...so I'm guessing that she's not. The attention and positive response she got made her feel sexy, desirable to other men, and probably gave her a sense of being "naughty" (which these days is a positive thing).
Yes, she regrets her action, but...her reason for doing this hasn't changed. Understand why she acted this way and maybe give her a chance to experience these feelings she wants with you.
A
female
reader, cristin343 +, writes (15 November 2007):
 i think it is important to analyse the relationship as a whole. Are there other warning signs that this relationship is unhealthy that you may have written off or ignored.
Is this girl trustworthy overall? if you have some doubts, you might want to save yourself more heartache and move on. and that is much easier said than done. i am going through it myself.
i have never been a jealous person, but found myself in a relationship where i was becoming jealous and distrustful. i was ashamed of these feelings. well guess what! there was a reason for this. call it intuition, but i was right. moving on was my best option and i am glad to move toward a healthier relationship in the future. i find that each relationship seems to get healthier than the previous one. perhaps because we learn from our mistakes.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (14 November 2007):
 It hurts deeply when your partner abuses the trust you give to them, especially when it comes to showing the flesh. Some might say its only visual, that she never engaged in anything else apart from that, but the thought of some other guy who probably has the upper hand of seeing her nude isnt something a guy can let go easily. Its every man's worst nightmare, to share something he holds dear to his heart. Its actually more a question of breaching your trust you empowered her with.
But its not the be all and end all if you really think about it. Firstly, this guy doesnt know her and theyve not met, and she most likely than not, only confided in him that way because she craved the extra attention (supposedly from yourself), with no emotions involved. Secondly, its better that she did this now and realised that the real thing (physical cheating) isnt the thing for her and its you that she really wants. And thirdly, she knows shes in the wrong and will try to put more attention into the relationship, which is ideally what you want her to do.
If possible, try to maintain this relationship with her, not necessarily asking you to forget about it, just try to forgive her. She does seem sincerely sorry about the incident and wants to change, and after all, its not as if she did the deed, which in my opinion, then you should leave the relationship. Its a spur of the moment thing and you should try your best to be the bigger man. A suggestion would be to give it 2 to 3 months to see if it keeps playing on your mind. If it does, then moving on without her would seem to be the better option, for the both of you.
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 hey,
only you can know if you can get over this! but if you are asking me, i say: you won't get over it.
what she did was bad and you can't deny it!
if i was in the same situation i would break up with my bf!
i hope you make the best decision byeXXX.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (14 November 2007):
 Will you get over it??? That is a question that you must ask yourself. I hope that you can get over it. You said that she hurt you but you did not say that dont love her. We all make mistakes some worst than others but we all do it. That is what makes us human. If she has ended the communication with this other guy than I wouldn't worry, just as easy as she sent the pictures she could have met up with him and shown him the real thing but she did not. What she did was stupid but I think she has certainly learned her lesson. The embarrasment she must have felt knowing that you knew about the pictures.
I hope that you can forgive her but if you truly feel that you can not dont even waiste your time or hers.Good Luck.
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