A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 22 and single, I have only had one girlfriend and that was back in college but I ended it because I knew she wasn't the type of person I wanted to be with. I am the quiet type and have been waiting for someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Well me and one of my friends go out to a pub in the town where we live and I have seen a woman there who we spoke to once, we only spoke to her because we all had to go sit in the resturant area because there were two stupid lads fighting. She seemed really nice but she was also very quiet, she was on her own and seemed a bit nervous about talking to us. I have seen her around before as I live a few streets away from her and I know where she works as I see her coming home sometimes. When ever she's out she's always on her own, when we have seen her in the pub she only normally has one drink and sits on her own, sometimes she's with someone but it's always the same person, just those to (another woman by the way). When we were talknig that night she said she was her best friend at school and that she know goes out with her brother. I see her sometimes out and says hi or she just smiles but I have noticed a few times she looks back, as you've probably guessed so do I otherwise I wouldn't know she does it either. She seems really sad a lot of the time as if she feels uncomfortable about being around people but what realy got me is it finally came to me the other day she seems really lonely, I won't go into details as to why I can tell she is but when I've seen her in the pub she just looks at coupes or at groups of friends and seems to have that look on her face that she just longs to be one of them and to join in, this is when she seems to look really upset and it really gets to me. She normally leaves before I do as well. We don't really talk when at the pub because I'm with my mate and sometimes some more people so I'm kinda with them and talking to them and she's never there for long. I guess I'm too shy to talk to her but the fact that I feel this way about her and I because of how she is (the quietness and loneliness I have said). It makes me want her even more but at the same time I just daren't because I hate seeing her upset and it breaks my heart. I walked past her yesterday and just said hi and she said hi back but she looked really down and I think she had tears in her eyes well at least it looked like that. I know she lives on her own and she doesn't have a boyfriend as she told us that night we sat together. I really want to get to know her better and maybe one day even get together with her, I know this sounds crazy as I don't exactly know her extremely well but I really care about her and I think I love her, I can't stop thinking about her and if there is any issues or anything bothing her I want to help her and be there for her but I just don't know how to go about it. Please help me it bothers me more each time I see her because she just seems so down and lonely.
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best friend, her ex, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (9 September 2007):
You have absolutely nothing to loose in asking her out. Maybe start by seeing her at the pub next time when you are with your friend and say to her that you will be back there tomorrow night without your friend and would like to sit with her, buy her a drink and get to know her just a little better.She seems a very deep soul and it would take a very long time to really get to know her but feeling as you do then you really have to go for this one too.I wish you all the very best though and I enjoyed very much reading your letter. If this relationship ever works successfully I recon you should write it all down and send it to Mills and Boon. I feel sure they would love to publish a true story like that. The best of luck.Trev
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Next time go alone and sit next to her, start chatting to her and maybe flirting a bit. Just remember she may be lonely but she's got a personality in her which you may or may not like! go for it though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): You have probably hit the nail on the head - she is alone and lonely and going to the pub, where she feels comfortable, gets her out the house. She wil never approach you or ask you out. That's a fact. Therefore, the only way you will get to know her better is by approaching her first. What on earth do you have to lose? You need to realise that this situation isn't going to change unless you act upon it. Don't be shy - go to the pub on your own - perhaps arrange to meet a friend there but turn up a little ealier on your own. Casually say hi and ask if you can join her until your friend gets there, then buy her a drink and the rest will flow. You must get to know her sooner rather than later, because you are beginning to put her on a pedestal. You say she looks so upset and down - yes, she may be longing for company, but she may also be one of life's miserable people, who find it hard to attract friends because of their frame of mind. You might find that you don't want to be in her company because she brings you down too. All these things you can only find out if you take the bull by the horns and make casual conversation. Why not do it tonight? And be sure to follow up as I would love to know what happens next.. Best of luck - you sound great so I'm sure it all work out fine XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): Oh my god. How romantic. Well I have been that girl. So I think I know what you should do. Well you gotta approach her. That's what she wants! I am exactly the same way! I would never talk to a guy even if I liked him cause I am so shy. And I have had guys fall inlove with me without even knowing me. But you have to find the courage and go up to her, offer to buy her a drink and TALK. You know what to do. But if she is anything like me, she is not going to approach you even if she does like you. So do it. I know she wants you to. Another thing. This girl has got a personality that is her own. You may think you know her and know what she is thinking but you really shouldn't be so sure of yourself. You may have created this whole dream woman in your mind of a girl that you know nothing about. That is scary just because you are eventually going to get to know her and what if she turns out to be nothing like you thought? Are you just going to leave her? Please don't play with her heart. And please don't assume that she needs to be "saved" or that she is lonely. She might take that as condescending. You should love a woman because she is strong, funny, and makes you feel good about yourself. Not usually because she needs to be saved, though. It is unusual for someone to fall inlove with another person because you see them as "weak" and in need of a helping hand. I find that a bit odd. Do you have a controlling personality?? That is something for you to think about.But she does want you to talk to her, so go for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): I think I understand. You feel she may be a "kindred soul". Well, maybe. But, be careful about the "I think I love her" self-assumptions. You are attracted to her. You don't know her well enough (yet), to say that you are in love. That would require much more knowlege. But, why don't you get the "knowlege"? Ditch the shyness on your own part, and GO FOR IT!! You know who she is, where she lives, and you see her off and on. What are you waiting for? Surely there is a thing called a cinema, a concert of some kind occasionally, a restaraunt, or ANYTHING a man could ask a woman to go with him to see/enjoy? OK, she looks sad and "down"....Hmmm. But you haven't a clue as to why. Well, are you always your bright, vivacious self? And why aren't you? It takes at least two people for one to be vivacious. (Two may be 'vivacious' together,..there is no rule against it). OK, you are probably bored with my antics. What I am saying is that you should stop just passing her on the street or seeing her at the pub and ASK HER OUT!! Or are you waiting for an archangel named Michael or something to come down and bring you together? Dream on,..it won't happen. (Michael is busy with bigger matters). Cupid might help, but he is a spooky little brat, and very unpredictable. (wink)
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A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (8 September 2007):
 Offer to buy her a drink. Next time you go to the pub go alone. dotn bring a friend or a gang of people and just go alone. If shes there. Say hi to her and ask if she wouldnt mind if you sat with her. Buy her a drink to. That should get you two started on talking together.
Even though some people woudl never do this but perhaps saying that youve noticed she looks very bothered and upset and ask her if she wants to talk about it at all. She will probably be hesitant and probably say no first but then the next couple times you see her she will feel as though she has the invite to talk to you about her problems and confide with you better after shes got to know you.
Dont act flirty becuase it sounds as though this girl is a shy little button and will be completely uncomfatable with a guy flirtng with her at a bar. Just keep it a casual talk.
you sound like such the sweetest guy ever and shell probably be delighted to get to know you better
goodluck hun
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506 +, writes (8 September 2007):
Omg you are the sweetest person ever. The way you've described it does look like she likes you back. It's a shame that she's lonely but you could be the person that puts a smile on her face. why don't you ask her for a quiet drink... and get to know her more and befriend her first. Then she can warm to you and you can find out how she isI hope all works out for you 2 :D
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