A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm just looking for some advice on a situation.Basically I really like a girl and have done so for a long time, but I never really felt I had a chance with her so didn't try.Recently, for some reason, she became a lot more interested in being around me. The difference was very obvious and we spent a lot of time together for a week. I know a week isn't much but it was such a huge difference it really felt like something. She often gave me signs that she could be interested in me during that time. I asked her basically on a date, she said yes and seemed really happy, but a few days later when i tried to arrange it she was unsure, and then finally wanted to go with her friends too.She suddenly changed since the day before i asked her on the date, seems to try to avoid me. ignores me on social media. I never see her in the places I used to see her. Some days she is normal again, happy, smiling, talkative, warm towards me but always totally ignores me on social media and will be cold the next day.She is very very focused on her studies and I know she is studying hard these days, but the fact she is always on social media and has changed from interacting with everything i post to completely ignoring everything it feels intentional.I like her a lot, but i feel that she wouldn't be 100% sure i like her yet and a mutual friend said she thinks she doesn't know i like her.If I was successful with her, it would inevitably become long distance in 6 months time.I really feel there was a connection and interest and now it feels so awkward. I have to see her often but she is very closed, won't look at me, keeps her back to me etc. sometimes she seems very shy.Most of my friends tell me she just isn't interested, maybe she felt i was interested so backed away.However another friend told me that maybe she did like me but doesn't know i like her, so wants to hide it to not get hurt (she is a very shy girl and doesnt seem to talk to guys generally), or she does like me and just feels she cannot be distracted because it would become long distance, because of her studies (her grades were bad recently and she was stressed) etc so she is trying to put distance between us now.I am not sure which would be true, I was just wondering if it is ever possible for the 2nd option to be possible or are my friends just trying to comfort me? I really like her a lot and want to tell her how i feel, but if she is uncomfortable i don't want to make her feel worse and its hard to get a good moment to tell her in the current atmosphere. I never liked someone this much before, so although i'm sure most people will tell me to give up i don't feel i can whilst i am confused about her feelings.I'm worried that if i dont tell her, if its possible she is acting this way as she feels something and doesnt want to get hurt, that i could lose the chance.I'm also worried if i tell her, she may become more uncomfortable around me.What do you think i should do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 March 2019):
 there you go then!
I hope you two have an enjoyable day !
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2019): Original poster here.
So i asked her and it turns out she does like me. We have a date tomorrow night :)
Thanks for your answers.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 March 2019):
 What I think you should do , is understanding that , pardon my French, you need either to p..s or to get off the pot.
I.e. : either 1 ) you stop clinging to wishful thinking and accept that , for whatever reason of hers , she is simply not interested. Come on pal, ok she is a shy international student (.. but not that shy when SHE likes somebody, she can take the initiative then, if what you told us in your previous recent posts is accurate ) with a bit of a language barrier, but I'd say that she turned you down neat and clear as if she'd eaten the whole Oxford Dictionary. You ask her on a date , the two of you alone, she hems and haws and drags her feet , and eventually does NOT accept to come alone. Take it as a : thanks but no thanks. Not only ! After you ask her out , she turns from friendly to standoffish, from warm to cold : obviously she does not want you " to get any ideas " in a romantic sense. All her actions are screaming " let me be " , so ...you ought to let her be , at least in a romantic sense. What does it matter WHY she does not want anything with you ? Yes, it might even be because in a few months she is going back home and thinks ( knows ) there's no future for you. That's a possibility . Or else, maybe she is afraid of being hurt by men ( which,instead , IMO sounds just like some comforting bullshit that your friend is feeding you to cheer you up ). Maybe it's some other undisclosed reason. Regardless, no means no. She does not want to date you. Accept that you win some, you lose some. Try to be a good sport, and to move your mental and emotional energy to some other more cooperative girl.
OR 2 ) you say : Ok, I guess it's a lost cause , my friends too say that- yet I know I won't rest easy until there's an even infinitesimal chance for things to turn out right, and most of all for me to get these feelings off my chest.
But then you DO ! You talk to her . Now. Not in 15 , 30 , 90 days. And you show some guts : of course you know that very , very probably you are going to be shot down. But since the intent is not having regrets in future for not having tried enough, AND getting closure and moving on if it's a flat " No way " , then it could be a good idea regardless.
Pick one. Don't keep shilly-shallying forever. As I and several other Dear Cupiders told you already, it seems really a lost cause and I would try not to obsess about her. But, you want to prove us wrong ? You want to tell us ( and everybody ) " Nyah nyah nyah, I was right all along, I felt it in my bones that she is in love with me ! " ? Then do it. Talk. Speak. Ask. Now though, not once she is back to her home country !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2019):
You know, YOU asked her out on a date - so she KNOWS you like her and wanted to spend time one-on-one. SHE KNOWS.
Asking her friends is pointless. NEVER involve someone's friends in a "romantic set-up or questions. Because 1. they might have a different agenda (like wanting to set her up with someone else) 2. they don't know because she doesn't spill her guts or 3 they are TRYING to "turn you down gently FOR her. The thing is, by going to them... YOU will not get the truth. You should ASK her straight up, you aren't 12 anymore.
Personally? If you two can't even TALK to each other what's the point in pursuing her? Sure, you THINK you really like her but she doesn't SEEM to want to take the risk of getting to know you further.
LET her go. If you are also out of there in 6 months it might just be all for nought because NEITHER of you two seem to want to make the first move.
And even IF she is SUPER SHY, she isn't dumb. A guy doesn't ask her out if he ISN'T interested. And if you have talked to TWO of her friends... it DEFINITELY has gotten BACK to her that you are interested.
This isn't about whether you "can" give up how you feel. I get it, you LIKE her. BUT I just don't think SHE likes YOU in the same way. Her pulling back to this degree tells ME (and should tell YOU) that she NO LONGER is interested and is TRYING to spare your feelings.
It SUCKS to have a crush on someone who DOESN'T reciprocate. But it happens. Hence the name "crush".
You CAN tell her, but be prepared to be rejected or her running for the hills hoping you GET the drift.
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