A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife had an affair. We have tried to talk about it, and she said 'it just happened'. What does this mean. Is she putting it down to the hand of God. I've pressed her on the point but she maintains it just happened. Explain please.
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female
reader, Sairah  +, writes (1 August 2009):
Hi,
I also found out my husband had an affair. When I ask him why and how he also tells me "it just happened".
He put blame on her that she wanted to break our marriage. But this can't take place for 4 months does it. He can't always put blame on her he's the one to blame she's living alone has nothing to lose.It makes me angry when he says it just happened. Because nothing happens just like this.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 It is a common excuse. The notion that things just happen.
It is valid enough for simple things. Like yawning or letting out a fart. These things can just happen.
But cheating? Think about it as lawyer would look at it. Pre-meditated or spur of the moment? It makes a huge difference if you kill someone in the heat of the moment or spend weeks preparing for it.
In my opinion there is no such thing as heat of the moment cheating. What happened, she met someone on the street, he said something and she just had sex then and there?
Unlikely, so she WANTED it to happen or at least had no desire whatsoever to stop it from happening.
But basically she is claiming "well I just wanted to cheat on you and that is all the excuse I need, deal with it".
Dump her and dump her fast because this kind of reasoning means the relationship is over. If she had no reasons this time to cheat/not cheat, she will do it again and again and you will just become bitter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): When she says it just happened,then something happened and
she don't wanna tell you.Things just don't happen for no
reason.For example,why does God give us rain and thunder-
storms?There's many reasons,but one of them is because we need it.Why do some parents neglect their kids on purpose?
There's many reasons,but one is because they don't care about their kids.Why do people cheat other people or on
people?There's many reasons,but one is because sometimes
we are so selfish and we don't care about anyone else but
ourselves.She's hiding something and she's afraid to tell
you.You already know about it,so she should just go ahead
and tell you the rest.Good luck on your marriage!XO
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): If she's willing to take responsibility for choosing to have and affair? If she's basically willing to take responsibility for it, then let the "it just happened" issue drop. Her saying, "It just happened" is the only way she knows to explain the fact that she did something (that even she herself probably finds to be) totally irrational.If she really won't blame herself for the affair then she's saying this to avoid responsibility. That's not right. (Ask her if she wouldn't mind giving you this other guy's address. Tell her you're gonna go over there with a baseball bat and see what "just happens.")
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): What she says and what it means are two totally different issues to me.
It just happened means she has avoided all responsibility to you. I don't agree with other answers that she is accepting any responsibilty, accountability or repercussions of what she has done to you.
She is trying to avoid it and hoping you accept this outrageous explanation.
What it means to me, is she is a cheater, got caught and now you know that she has no guts or conscience. It also means to me that she is capable of disrespecting your marriage and you. It also means to me that she is lacking in character and integrity.
What happens is up to you now. If your happy with that explanation then your an outstanding human being and I wish you well and hope this is not just the beginning of a terrible nightmare for you.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (17 June 2008):
 When she says it "just happened", I would think she means she has no rational explanation for what she did. Quite probably it makes no more sense to her than it does to you.
That doesn't mean that she's saying she's not to blame or that some all-powerful guiding force pushed her into it. She simply says there are no words she can use that could give you any understanding of why she did it.
So, the question you need to ask is "Is it really over? Completely over?" and, as Emilyanswers says, "Is there any chance that anything like that could happen again?"
And, the most important question of all, "Do you love me?"
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A
male
reader, redmond +, writes (17 June 2008):
Rubbish of course she owes the guy an explanation. What, like you have an affair and then you go back saying non of your business. Absolute rubbish.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): I agree with Emilyanswers.
She was attracted to somebody else, and forgot all about you and her marriage vows for long enought to get the deed done. She has no other explaination to give you. Sorry.
Tou need to talk to her and find out how likely this is to happen again and what she intends to do about the destruction she has caused to your marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): When people have affairs they often don't stop to question what they're doing. Something must have been seriously wrong with your relationship and she sought something elsewhere that she wasn't getting from you (for women this is rarely sex). When she says it just happened what she means is she can't explain why she did something that she realises is fundamentally wrong but she just went along with the flow because it made her feel alive and happy.
Good luck - relationships can survive affairs so long as you look into what was lacking in the relationship that enabled it to happen in the first place.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 June 2008):
If it just happened it means she was attracted to another man and gave into temptation, having either forgotten about or stopped caring about you.
She is basically saying it was her fault, not yours.
So now you have to figure out what you are going to do about it.
Ask her if she thinks it could happen again and if she wants to stay married. If she wants to make the effort, then great, work on your marriage. If she doesn't then it looks like it may be over.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 June 2008):
 There is really not alot you can say about what she said. All i can make out of someone saying this is two people having an affair with one thing leading to another. She knows it was wrong, so ultimately the only thing she can say to cover herself is " it just happened ". To be honest what else could she say, other than sorry.
K
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 It means she doesn't want to give any explanations. She doesn't care if you're in pain.
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