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male
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anonymous
writes: my wife and I are in our forties, both are in second marriages. I was intimate with a number of woman before my first marriage and been to strip clubs about 10 times in my life. my wife who has been with 2 guys before we met and got married. when she asked about my past, I didnt know how much it would hurt her. she can deal with my marriage and woman I was with in a relationship but cant deal with one night stands and me going to strip clubs seeing all these young girls. she says I have been exposed to so much, where does she fit in....now she looks at porn on the web. she said to see what I have been exposed to. it seems to be helping her for some reason. (she only looks at woman) she seems to be obsessed now. it makes me feel unconforable because she asks questions like...would you do this woman, do you think these are nice....what ever body part. should I be concerned?
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female
reader, Softie +, writes (22 April 2006):
 Hi, I am going to give you advice from my personal experience on this one so I will warn you that it may not be very objective. My husband is older than me and he dated a lot of women before I came along. It's not to say that I didn't date a lot of men before marrying him, but sometimes his past does bother me. I used to pick a fight with him about this as well. He refused to let me push the subject any further than it has to go because he knows that it upsets me. I would suggest you to do the same to her and just tell her how much you love her and how sexy you think she is.Sooner or later, she should realize that she is obsessing about your past which is pointless and is something you cannot change.All in all, you should try to push the conversation towards the positive side instead of continuing on the subject and giving her excuses to feel bad about herself and your past. If she really insists on talking about the subject, sit her down and tell her how you feel about it and how you feel about this.Good luck to you and your wife.Softie
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