A
male
age
,
*lyconfused
writes:Give me your thoughts on this one...About 8 months ago, I started dating this girl I have known about 4 years. She gave me the signs she was attracted to me when I first met her. I tried to get her to go out with me at that time, and twice she agreed, twice she called off the dates... So, after four years, she comes around acting all interested. We start seeing each other, and it seems all is going OK, then...She tells me she wants me for her boyfriend, and she says she loves me. She calls me numerous times a day. She can't wait to see me, so she says... She had thought previously that I was a player, but she found out she was all wrong about me. She told me that she realized she was SO wrong and I was a GREAT guy... the kinda man that most women would DIE to have as their own... but...She is VERY close with two guys from her past. One she claims is "just" a former BC, but that she ended that aspect and just became "close friends" with this guy. She talks to him almost every day, and she has been out with him twice (that I know of) since we began dating, but "...there's nothing between us." She also has been out with the other guy a couple of times, and he is "not an ex but just a GOOD friend."She goes out with "girlfriends" at least twice a month, and one of the other guys sometimes can be there too, but I can't because it is "girl's night out"... huh? One night, she was out with the girls and supposed to come see me afterwards. So, she runs about two hours late... and I can't get her to answer her cell or texts. When she finally calls and shows up, she says she is late because she HAD to run by her ex BC's new apartment to give him a "house warming gift". I blew up... was I wrong to do so?Realize that she had been out with ex BC man and a "girlfriend" a few weeks before that, and when she came to see me afterwards, she had her cell with her, and the "ex" BC man was calling her begging her to come have sex with him. I know because I heard her talking...Since that little event, there have been several others. Her response is, "Well, at least I told you. I could have lied." And my response was that in other words, she is going to do as she pleases and as long as she tells me AFTERWARDS, I am supposed to be cool with it... including her going out with a former lover who STILL is trying to get in her pants.This is a woman who has lots of female friends (so she says). I don't know, because I have only met one of her female friends. She has been on out of town trips with "friends" three times this summer, but has cancelled two trips with me. She always has her cell phone on, but claims she always leaves it in the car. She will get texts and calls when I am around and not answer... ever.She says she wants a serious relationship with me and loves me, but from what I have seen with her, that translates into me having no life and waiting to be "rewarded" with her occasional presence at her convenience. Another funny thing... weekends are seldom ever reserved for me. It is a very rare time indeed when she has Friday and/or Saturday free for me... always plenty of time for "friends" though...Her actions are those of a cheater, if you ask me. She says she wants a committment, but her idea of committment is doing whatever she wants but claiming she "only has sex with me." This is love and committment??? However, her idea of committment from me is knowing every detail of my life at all times... and believe me, she would explode if I pulled some of the stuff she has done to me (which I would not, because it's disrespectful). She gets upset just over not being able to get ahold of me by phone sometimes... but I cannot question her ever about her availability. She expects me to exhibit ALL of the great behaviors a woman would want in a man, but when I do, she often blows up. She has at one time or another told me to not want her... don't miss her... don't care about her... she obviously does not want me to be close enough to know what she's up to... or have any right to ask.I could go on and on... but I'll stop there. Whadda you guys think???
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reader, tlyconfused +, writes (2 September 2009):
tlyconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you who have answered so far... feels better to know that I am not the crazy one here. I think this girl is a certified c**k blocker... and always has been. She just took it to another level because she knew I wasn't seeing anyone, and she took advantage of the situation. Softtouch, you said a lot of stuff that I have been realizing about my situation but didn't put in the question. She definitely craves lots of attention and is easily bored. I've dumped several of that variety, because it is impossible to ever do enough for a woman like that... and you will never be enough, no matter what. I think a lot of women in their 40's and above get divorced and go through their teenage years all over again (judging by their behavior) with men. There are tons of them out there who say they want a commitment with a man but what they really want is a doormat who lets them do whatever they feel like with no regard... while they hold their man to the line about everything. There is not any woman pretty enough, rich enough, young enough, whatever enough... to make me settle for that kinda relationship. I gave this woman my heart wide open, and all she has done is play with it... string me along just enough to keep me around. Funny, I thought this woman was special and different from the garden mill variety... but she is not. She just plays the game a little better than most.
A
male
reader, tlyconfused +, writes (2 September 2009):
tlyconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you who have answered so far... feels better to know that I am not the crazy one here. I think this girl is a certified c**k blocker... and always has been. She just took it to another level because she knew I wasn't seeing anyone, and she took advantage of the situation. Softtouch, you said a lot of stuff that I have been realizing about my situation but didn't put in the question. She definitely craves lots of attention and is easily bored. I've dumped several of that variety, because it is impossible to ever do enough for a woman like that... and you will never be enough, no matter what. I think a lot of women in their 40's and above get divorced and go through their teenage years all over again (judging by their behavior) with men. There are tons of them out there who say they want a commitment with a man but what they really want is a doormat who lets them do whatever they feel like with no regard... while they hold their man to the line about everything. There is any woman pretty enough, rich enough, young enough, whatever enough... to make me settle for that kinda relationship. I gave this woman my heart wide open, and all she has done is play with it... string me along just enough to keep me around. Funny, I thought this woman was special and different from the garden mill variety... but she is not. She just plays the game a little better than most.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (1 September 2009):
 I think you have a player on your hands. Everything she said she thought about you, well, its exactly what she's about.
She wants to party and hang out with her friends. She wants you to be the nice guy.
But the fact is, she has nothing emotionally invested in you. To her you're a doormat.
The only way to deal with a woman like this is to lay down the law. If she doesn't want to change her behavior then you need to move on. She's not worth it.
The problem I see here is that you want her, you give her her options; she has all of her freedom. But when it comes to what you want, you're in last place. In other words, she doesn't value you as much as all of her other friends.
When everyone else has dibbs on her time but you, and you have to basically beg her to carve it out for you, then I think its pretty much a clear sign she's using you.
If I were you I would treat her exactly as she treats me. If I'm not invited out with "the girls" but the other former boyfriends are, then its a sign to me that she doesn't want me to meet her friends, and therefore, I am not a real part of her life.
If she wants sex, then find. Have sex with her. But if you want a long-term commitment from her, I would say don't hold your breath.
From my perspective, she doesn't see what she has right in front of her and is merely looking for lots of attention.
When someone does that, they're a player. You obviously are serious.
There's a mismatch going on here. So she either has to change the way she behaves towards you, or you will be miserable.
At our age, we can't afford to waste time on players. Players are good for young people, when you have plenty of time left.
We don't so she needs to straighten up or you both move on.
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