A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband have been together since April 2005, married since March 2008.In the last few weeks, well, 6 weeks actually, for the record, he's not been interested in any sex at all.I've tried everything from sexy outfits ordered online to just being completely naked to try and get his attention but nothing has worked at all. He always tells me that he loves me, that I'm pretty and intelligent, and would do anything for me and he's very cuddly (no, don't read that wrong, he is not obese). He doesn't ignore me, it's just that there is no sexual passion anymore in the relationship.Work is not affecting our sex life - and he doesn't smoke, take drugs and isn't a big drinker - he's a social drinker. So those causes can be ruled out.Money worries are not an issue - he's been promoted and got a bigger salary (but I'm with him for who he is, not his salary).He doesn't use porn either, so that's not a factor, I don't get it. Unlike most guys, he finds porn uninteresting.I have tried to talk to him, but he finds the subject embarrassing to discuss with me openly. I am sensitive and listen to what he has to say, but he won't discuss it.I don't think he's gay - that's highly unlikely considering he tells me how much he loves me, so what could the cause be??I won't cheat on him, as that's wrong to do.I need help, talking got nowhere, so where next? I want help but am struggling to work out where.I don't want to divorce him as he's such a caring guy.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 You need to sit down with him and seriously tell him that this is affecting your marriage. There has to be a reason why he's not sexually aroused. Whatever it is, he has to know that he can trust you with it.
You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to go with him, and help him with this problem. That means going to doctors with him, sitting with him in therapy if need be.
In a way this one's all about him, not you. But if you love him then you will do this with him. He needs to get his sexual confidence back as its also going to eventually affect his self-esteem.
There are therapists who can help you and him cope with it, do couples' exercises together and perhaps he needs some sort of medication to help.
Now there could also be some physical thing going on too. Maybe one that he doesn't want you to know about. But if he doesn't tell you, no one can help him.
I can tell you this much. He won't be able to do this alone. He will need your help whether he likes it or not.
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