A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl online recently and we've been chatt'n i then started to have feelings for her although she has a boyfriend.i need some clue's to tell'n her how i feel without being too straight forward.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): This is crazy, cause the exact same thing happened to me. Luckily for me, her relationship really wasnt working out and now she is in love with me and we are going to meet soon. I dont know if it will work for you, but I will tell you how I did it. I kept giving her litte hints and clues. One day I sent her a message and told her I need some advice. I told her I really had feelings for this amazing girl, but I wasnt sure if she had them for me or if she cared more for someone else. Over time we went back and forth and I kept talking about how great we were together and how much I wished she would show me she wants to be with me. I never told her she was the one I was talking about until later. She sent me a message and said "You should really tell me who this girl is" she wasnt sure cause there were other girls on my profile who I would flirt with. So I told her it was her and she was really happy and said she had the same feelings for me, but she was really confused. I said that I want to be with her, but I understand if she wants to be with her boyfriend. I said I respect her decision no matter what she decides and I will give her time to think things through and I want her to be happy no matter if she chooses me or not. Luckily her boyfriend was a jerk and dumped her, so now I get to be with her. I wish you the best of luck and I hope it works for you. Just give her a little hint here and there, and never push her or make her decide. Respect her and still try to be her friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell her. Do you know if she is happy in her relationship... does she talk about her boyfriend to you? If she's happy, and isn't giving off signals that she may have feelings for you too, then if you do tell her, be prepared for her to tell you she only likes you as a friend. If she tells you and her feelings are the same (whether minimal or not) then please don't cheat...physically or emotionally. Let her figure out what she wants, but don't wait around forever.
If she doesn't feel the same then you need to figure out whether you can supress your feelings for her and remain friends because it wouldn't be fair on either of you for you to be waiting around just incase she changed her mind or whatever.
If you've not met her, then don't meet her until you know what she wants. If you have and are meeting up regularly, then telling her in person would be best so you know her reaction. If you can't do this, either because you're shy or haven't met her or can't talk to her by phone, then exlain in an email.
It would be quite straightforward, but you can word it right so that it isn't literally 'I have feelings for you'. Exlain your intentions, that you're aware that she may not feel the same and that you know she is in a relationship. Try not to expect the feelings reciprocated, because unrealistic expectations often leads to disappointment.
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A
female
reader, catie-32776  +, writes (1 September 2009):
theres a simple way to say it, and unfortunately most ways you tell her will be blunt and straigh forward, but maybe thats best, but if shes in a happy relationship maybe you shouldnt tell her just yet, it could ruin the friendship, you said you've only met her recently, then wait for a bit, get to know her more, and maybe even suggest meeting up in a public place if you live near her, show her how great you are. if you havent ever seen her, like on webcam or something, DO NOT meet her in a place that isnt public. i dont want to patronise you coz im sure you know the dangers but be careful. i hope this has helped a bit, and if you ever wanna talk, message me.let me know how it goes if you dont mind. good luck :) x
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