A
male
age
36-40,
*fire86
writes:I was seeing this girl for a couple months. I knew she had just recently gotten out of a long term relationship. During the relationship, she got pregnant and eventually lost the baby. She has been out of this relationship for about 5 months before we started seeing eachother. During the first several weeks of our relationship, we had some miscommunication. I thought she wanted to be my girlfriend, during a night that we were spending alone, I called her my girlfriend. A few days ago she says that we need to have a "talk". She said that when I called her my girlfriend, it scared her and that she doesn't think she is ready for a relationship. She said this with tears in her eyes so I believe her. Problem is, I really like her and dont want to lose her. Im willing to go the friend route and see how it works out. I want to have another talk with her and see if there is any way to work things out. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (11 December 2012):
 It's not a great feeling not being able to have any control over this sort of thing, but unfortunately that's just the way it goes sometimes.
I'm glad the talk went well for you and continuing to support her and be there for her will be best thing to do for you both. The stability you give her can boost her confidence over time and if you maybe hint at something, very very subtly, a few months down the line, you'll be able to see if she's ready for anything more.
But that's not for a while yet, this is just the very start. So as long as you're prepared to wait, good things will most certainly happen for you.
A
male
reader, jfire86 +, writes (11 December 2012):
jfire86 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok, we had the talk and it went pretty well. I took your advice Uncle PJ and I think it helped. We spent the rest of the night playing board games and watching tv until about 10pm. It does worry me that she holds all the cards and that I may end up permanently in friend status, but I think as long as she is happy, I can live with it. I gave it my best.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ +, writes (11 December 2012):
Do not be pushy. She obviously isn't the most stable state of minds given the major upsets and everything in her recent life. She says she's not ready so you can't try to be pushy or it will drive her away.If you're going to have another talk, just tell her how you feel about her in a caring sense. Not anything to do with love or wanting to be together, just how much you care about her and want her to be happy.She needs something stable and strong, if you can provide her with that until she is ready and can move on, then she'll know how much she means to you because of the effort you have put in to help her when she needed it the most.Unfortunately for you, she has all of the cards and there's not a lot you can do. So as I say, don't push her into anything and don't enquire at any stage if she wants to be an item. She'll suggest when she knows what she wants and everything. I hope this helps and I wish you both the very best of luck.
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