A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Who should I be upset with? The girl? My friend? Or myself?So we are all freshman in college. I met this girl and we both really liked each other. We have the same interests, are very social and serious students. She told me she really liked me and wanted a relationship but I told her it was happening too fast and I wasn't looking for a relationship now. After that we have still been friends and work together in classes and have similar friend group so see each other alot. This past weekend I found out that one of my friends was hitting on her and they danced and kissed. It didnt go any farther than that and later that night I ran into her and we walked back to the dorm together. Now I am upset but not sure who I should be upset with.... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Ok to recap:
you met a girl you like her but not enough to have a relationship with her so you want to be friends. That's fine.
then your friend went after her (you rejected her proposal of more than friends) and she danced and kissed him.
What are you upset about? because until I know what you are upset about I cant' tell you who to be angry with.
I can tell you that NO ONE has done anything wrong.
She liked you
she wanted more
you declined
she likes your friend
she is testing the waters
the possibility exists that your friend and this girl may become an item... and since you declined her advances for more than just friends you have no say in it or any right to be angry with them.
you also don't have to be upset with yourself... you knew you didn't want more than friendship with her... but now that it appears she may not lay around and pine for you, you are hurt.
A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (11 December 2012):
 You shouldn't be upset with anyone. Unless your friend knew about you almost having a relationship with this girl. The fact of the matter is that when she told you she was ready to be with you, whether it would have worked out or not, you turned her down.A girl isn't going to wait around for you when you've flatly refused her. So you cannot be getting upset with her just because she's decided that someone else has given her a potential offer.You shouldn't be upset with yourself because you obviously wasn't ready for a relationship. That's okay, it means you didn't have feeling for her which may mean she wasn't the right girl for you.If you feel like this isn't the case then wait to see how it pans out with your friend and if she decides he's not right for her then maybe make sure she knows you're available and ready to have a relationship.But being freshman, you will have plenty of time to meet other girls and get into a relationship. You don't need to rush into anything as you already said. Just don't get too hung up on this, everything happens for a reason and as long as you live life without any regrets, the good things will always come. I hope this helps and good luck with college and your future relationships.
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