A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, quick question. I am a 16 year old girl, with a very good social life. I'm very popular, have lots of friends, and even have a sweet, caring boyfriend!(Yay!!) At the beginning of the year, I made a friend, let's call her Nicolette. Lately, Nicolette's been coming on to my boyfriend! She goes on and on about how she thinks he's "the one", and makes him hold hands! He doesn't like her, she stalks him. She even had the nerve to ask me if I would still like her if my boyfriend and I break up so they can be together! She frequently tells people, including me, how she's gonna break us up. To add on to it, I know him way more than her, and she's two years older than us! I know I should ditch her, but that is virtually impossible because she tries to dominate me, and follows me wherever I go. She also sits by me at lunch and on the bus. I have been seriously questioning my relationship with my boyfriend, as Nicolette is breaking us apart majorly. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): "She goes on and on about how she thinks he's "the one", and makes him hold hands!"
It's pretty hard to make someone hold your hand unless they want to. Are you sure your boyfriend isn't getting involved with her emotionally?
Also, would you describe yourself as a "nice person"? Do you avoid confrontation? Is this why you let her believe you are both friends. This is not a good time to be nice to her and indugle her. You need to confront her.
I think you need to tell her explictly that she is crossing a personal boundary with you by telling you how she wants your boyfriend.
If you boyfriend has any ambivalent feelings toward her, you need to ask him to make to make a decision between you and her.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 If you're even considering thinking about Nicolette's pathetic behaviour, then you're letting her win. Do you want that??
This girl pops out of the blue, takes a liking to your boyfriend, tells you she would break you guys up,...and now you're saying..." I have been seriously questioning my relationship with my boyfriend, as Nicolette is breaking us apart majorly."!!!
COME ON!!!! Grow up!! No one can just drive a wedge between two people that easily!! Let her do whatever she wants...as long as both of you are secure in your relationship, dont give a damn about her. The more you show her that you're disturbed by her behaviour, the more she's going to enjoy troubling you guys. Be indifferent and completely ignore her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): Unfortunately some girls find power in being able to take a boy (or man) away from another woman. It is purely a power thing for them and has really nothing to do with who the boy is. They have low self-esteem and it gives them satisfaction to be "stronger" than another woman.If your boyfriend is genuine and not a weak wimp, he will be able to resist this Nicolette and see what she is doing. Alas, some men are so weak and it boosts their ego to know that another girl likes them, so they can give in. This sort of situation will occur throughout your life, you will find yourself fending off other women for a mate. I know this because at 45 years of age, I find that my husband had been tempted away from me by other women who didnt want him for a relationship, just sex, and the ego boost they got from their actions.I would advise that you distance yourself from Nicolette, but it is really up to your boyfriend to be loyal to you in this situation. Girls shouldnt have to be fighting over a boy, they're just not worth it really. But at your age I guess they are. There are plenty of others out there. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 You sound like you are afraid of her. You are only a friend to her because you don't know how to get rid of her. Even if you made a new friend she would get in between you. It doesn't have to be a person, I am sure if you develop a new interest she will start to judge that and tell you why that interest is a waste of time. You permitting her to dominate you feeds her ego. Starve that ego of hers by keeping your sentences short and reply with "I don't want to talk about it", then she will get bored of you and find another girl to bully. Basically treat her as transparent. She only wants people to validate her existence. Your fear and overthinking is the only thing that threatens your relationship with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is not going to like her. You don't need to do anything. The issue is only as big as you allow it to be. Like the flu, the sickness will only become severe for people with a compromised immunity. If your relationship is strong, nothing can destroy it.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (7 February 2011):
She does not like you! Kick her out of your life. Leave her alone you don't need her. Tell her the truth, that you do not think you two should be friends because you feel you cannot trust her. Talk to your bf about it and see if he agrees that you should cut her off. Do not let her break your relationship up, ignore her! Enjoy your other friends and your boyfriend. Stand up for yourself.
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