A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone. so i have a question and issue, and looking on the internet, there are tons of questions and answers about this, but mine is slightly different.my husband and i have been married for 4 years. we have been through a lot together, both financially and emotionally, but we always stayed by each others side.we were thrown right into stress with money, so our fun sex life lasted like 3 months. there was a time when both of us were working 12 hours a day and hardly ever had sex. we would go 1 month or even more! and we are a young couple.but we both came to a point, that that was not healthy and we needed to connect more. so we started to have sex maybe twice a week but its more like once. and that didn't last very long either, because we then had to move in with his parents, and the excuse of feeling uncomfortable at his parents home, we never had sex, unless we were alone.then for a few months, things were getting better, so again, things got a little better with our sex life. basically are sex life has been like a roller coaster ride.anyhow, because of this lifestyle, we never have normal sex.if we do have sex, its always a quickie, or he wants to have sex in the shower, because its quick and clean.lately though, he has not been wanting to have sex at all. and if we do, he does it just to keep me quiet.he has two days off now, and works either nights or days. but he has been taking long showers, and masturbating in the shower. i asked him why, and he says, its quick and easy and a stress release. now i am no way controlling, and understand that this is natural for a man, but i would imagine at least on his days off, that he has time to sleep in, and relax, that this would be great to reconnect.he hardly kisses me anymore, and i ask him a thousand times over, are you happy with me? he tells me he loves me all the time, and is very sweet with me. we never fight.i know he isn't happy about the job he has, and wishes to be able to buy more things, but we can't afford...he know is driving me nuts, and wants to buy a motorcyle, because he needs more excitement in his life.him masturbating, now wanting a motorcyle, makes me feel that he is bored with me.i try everything, dress sexy for him, etc, but he just says, i am too tired, but then takes a shower and masturbates. i treat him so well. sometimes he comes home, and is tired, and asks for a massage, and i give him a nice back massage or foot massage. i never nag or complain about the fact we have no money. i am very in shape and make sure to not let myself go, and stay looking good always. but when i talk to him about this, he tells me i am insecure, and that i watch too much tv, or read to many stories about these things, and put stupid thoughts in my head. when he asks me what i want with our sex life, and said some more time together period! he then tells me, that i take too long, and that 10 mins is too long for him in bed.....to have sex.....i'm confused? how should i approach this. any advice be great.
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male
reader, Yogananda  +, writes (7 February 2011):
 Perhaps what u need to do, is go the opposite direction, sometimes men feel overwhelmed by women that are NEEDY, remember when u were single and you had a choice on men, you ditched the men that were needy and went for the guy that was a challenge? well, its the same here, he knows he can have u any time he wants u, u are somewhat desperate to feel exitment and because u are there "ready" and "beautiful" for him all the time, there is no longer a challenge for him, so he is not feeling he has to chase u. So give him "space", and try some sexy masturbating for yourself such as:http://www.youtube.com/user/TantricArtsOfLove108 , learn to use the "magic wand" on yourself and feel fully satisfied sexually without him, he is going to get all curious about your choice, and thus may want to be the "replacement" on the magic wand. Be a challenge, be satisfied by yourself and let him wonder. When he is in the shower masturbating, you get to masturbate yourself without him, and be a woman that is joyful and happy on her own. get it?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): Can you be sure he isnt cheating on you?
My husband had a low sex drive (always had), and found excuses not to have sex. I found out 2 years ago that he had been on internet dating sites and having sex with other women. He hadnt been masturbating and I always wondered why he could go so long without having sex with me. I NEVER thought he was cheating on me, it never entered my head that he would be doing that, but unfortunately I found out about his secret double life.
Now he his back to low sex drive again and we are having arguments over it. So if infidelity isnt likely, I really dont know what more you can do to improve the sex. Best wishes.
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