| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This is a bit of a complicated one. I had been dating this girl on and off since i was 14 (making it 5 years). We'd been dating solidly and intensely for two years until about 3 months ago. We've always known that we're madly in love but i became depressed for some reason and i couldn't properly return her feelings. so i panicked and that's why we split. about half a month later she was seduced by an older guy who had a long-standing girlfriend. He's actually a guy I work with. He knew our history together but he did it anyway. They carried on this sexually motivated affair for about a month and a half. She's a very sweet and innocent girl and she's been raised very well. I couldn't understand how it happened. I was her first and only sexual partner until this guy and she was (and is) the only woman i find attractive. She has been my only sexual partner ever. We're together again now and we're trying to patch things up but I can't seem to get over their affair. I know technically i shouldn't have any right to judge but i get a knot in my stomach thinking about it and i can't help but probe her about all the details of this sordid affair. This seems to upset her alot and frankly, I'm not sure why my jealousy compels me to want to know everything about it, down to the last painful detail. She's my angel. My sweet lovely. She says the affair was a mutual thing and that she was attracted to him but her morals are usually impecable. She did things with him on the first night that took a really long time for us to get to when we were together. She tells me it meant nothing and i know she regrets doing it. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 You were broke up during the time of her and that guy were together. she probably thought that you and her were over! So she wasn't actually cheating on you.
Apparently she is back with you, so you should consider yourself Lucky!!
And for that guy she was with...he is not a good person...he was the one who actually cheated on someone..his long-standing girlfriend(i wonder if they are still together)
good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007):
This is such an unfortunate problem for people who end up dating at such a young age. One of my closest mates and his girlfriend lost their virginity together, he used to talk of these dreamy notion of "we're so in love, she's my angel" but in a difficult time she cheated on him with a guy he knew. It destroyed him for 4 years! They tried to carry on the relationship but something fundamental had changed. The poor guy put himself through so much mental torture. All our advice? He needed to get over her, and go find some girl to have sex with. Why the crude advice, well.
His problem came down to inferiority. He felt that two people who lost their virginity had a sacred bond together. We should also thank a good bit of christian influence to fuel this desire of disgust, guilt and dirtyness. Any how, short story short - they finally broke up and ever seen he's been with a great girl, at long last his first girlfriend is just a distant memory he rarely, if ever, thinks about.
Your girl is no longer your angel, your sweet lovely. Neither was she "seduced". Hard fact is that she wanted to have emotionaless sex with an "older" guy. Perhaps she regrets what she done now but I'm sure she was loving it for the 6 weeks it was happening. Sorry - harsh but true - so stop picturing your girlfriend as an honourable, lovely sweet innocent girl who got "corrupted" by this evil nasty older guy who used her body for sex. Not true.
She destroyed this relationship. Either you realise this and leave with dignity, or allow your possessive, jealous, insecure thoughts to cause her to leave you. The first would be great, but I sense you're sadly going to let the second option run it's course.
Good luck though - maybe I'm wrong. I wish I could say love is all you need, but then I remind myself I live on Earth, not in some nervana fantasy world.
As soon as a choice had been made, by either of you, things will very quickly start to feel better.
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A
female
reader, sweetiegirl  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 Ok it's human nature to be inquiztive so yeah, you just need to stop and realize that asking all these questions is starting to really bother her and could possibly end the realationship and you sound like you love her alot.
think to yourself when ever you get the erge to start playing twenty question, that you were not with her at the time, and guess what she loves you and she is with you now and we wants to be with you and no one else.
see I went through something like this me and me current b/f broke up for three months and during that time he was with a girl ( mind you i wanted to kill her) but when we got back together i started asking questions and after awhile he started getting really pissed off. and broke up with me. (gladly we got back together 9 months later) but he told me right out and out that what happened in the past needs to stay there and that i needed to enjoy the present and the love that we have for each other and that he loved me no matter what and it took him time to realize it but he did and what ever happened before doesn't seem inportant or matter anymore. so when ever I started to feel jealous about anything to do with any female to just think " we are together and that he loves me and no one else and at the end of the day he is still going to be with me and love me "
So i hope that help even if it's only a bit
and good luck to you and tell me how things turned out.
sweetiegirl
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