A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi. My fiance makes me feel like im a sex pest. Since we have been together i am the one who always comes on to her. She never ever comes on to me not in the 5 years we have been together. She says all i want is sex. Yes i have a high sex drive but would be happy if it was 2 to 3 times a week. I decide not to coming on to her for 2 months and nothing no kissing nothing. So am i a sex pest. I always respect her and never push for sex. I know in no god in bed but when we do have sex i always make her orgasm before penertration. Could this be a factor. She just doesnt like sex with me.
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fiance, kissing, orgasm, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): You need to talk to each other. This cant go on. You are not a sex pest and i would be worried about your lack of kissing and hugging because you need this in a loving relationship.
It looks like you are miss matched on the intamicy front. That will only end up causing a rift between you and if you decide to try for a family will it happen if you cant talk to her about getting it on. Maybe you both need to explore where her ideas of you being a sex maniac come from because to me you are just expecting the average amount of sex for your age group.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): Specially at your young age you need to be satisfied once or twice a month is two little i think you need to have a serious talk with her lay out all the problems with this and discuss the solution or why she prefers not to, you should do this soon especially if you are going to spend the rest of your lives together so you don't end up cheating or getting a divorce , all the best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): im sure she has orgasmed as she says i all ways do it through foreplay. She told me that she has never orgasmed during sex with any partner
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 This is clearly not the case if you've waited 8 weeks without mention of sex. something else is going on here, either she is uncomfortable with her own sexuality (that is, being a sexual person) or you really need to focus more on what feels good to her. Are you POSITIVE she's not faking in the bedroom just to end it sooner? You two need to find something that DOES work for her, otherwise she won't want it, will make excuses for herself AND for you (you nympho!). her avoidance is a sign that she doesn't enjoy it. Talk to her about how this is affecting your relationship and how you really want it to be a MUTUALLY enjoyable activity, not one you're foisting on her.
Read up on new ways to satisfy your lover. Consider buying her a toy, or switching up the order or position (may she's sick of just oral then sex, some girls after they orgasm can't handle contact down there, do you know if she's one of those girls, making oral first a little too rough?). get her to talk about what feels good. Get her to talk about any fantasies she may have. Are there any keys to her past (abuse, inexperience, or just bad partners) that make her so unwilling to explore sex with you? The thing is, you SAY you know that you're a crappy sex partner but expect it anyway. you obviously have to make it more appealing to HER to get yourself some action.
After all this, it may just be that if she's not sexually oppressed and able to tap into her sexual side comfortably, she just has a lower sex drive than you, and you have to figure out whether that's a deal breaker; sexual incompatibility is not something that resolves itself--it usually takes work, but if you're BOTH willing, hopefully you'll get somewhere. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): Hey,
less than 2 to 3 times a week? no kissing? - I don't mean to sound horrible but you need to have a chat with her.
Explain to her that you have a high sex drive and if she doesn't want sex, could you at least try other things? ;)
Also kissing is important, it creates intimacy.
Also, what form of contraception is she on? I found that the pill and the injection lowered my sex drive like mad.
If you think your no good in bed then why don't you ask her what she wants? Or buy some Ann Summers goodies to try?
Also, this isn't something that you necessarily need to know as it applies to me, but I love to orgasm during penetration. A little playing at the same time if you get what I mean. Try new things to spice it up a little?
Anyway, hope it helped a little, even if it just made you smile reading my little sex tips :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): no you are not a sex pest, you just have mis-matched sex drives. If you think her sex drive is low now, just wait until after you are married. Because her sex drive may drop even lower.
If she had a strong sex drive you would be fighting her off and trying to keep up.
It always amuses me to see guys choosing the woman who thinks sex is 'icky'. And he then spends the next decade complaining that he's not getting any.
Is this how you want the next ten years to play out?
She is entitled to have a low sex drive. That is who she is.
But is she really a suitable partner for a man who does have a much higher sex drive?
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