A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I posted this question before but didn't get any replies :/ probably because I posted it quite late at night, anyway..Me and my friend have known each other for around 6 years, she always used to joke around and was always up for a laugh.Recently though I have noticed that now she has a boyfriend she is acting differently to what she used to be like.I am not the only person who has noticed this, I spoke to another one of my very close friends about it and she had noticed it too.It would probably help if I told you how she behaved haha, well basically she is a lot more 'bitchy' towards us, she will insult me more when her boyfriend is around in a joke sort of way, and every time I will just laugh it off.She also act really dumb (which really gets on my nerves) in front of her boyfriend. Also, if I jokingly insulted her back, she'd kick me or punch me, she didn't mean it and it wouldn't be to hurt me, but I found it quite weird for her to behave like that. She doesn't do any of these things when he is not around.I dont particularly like her boyfriend because he seems to get a kick out of making people feel and look like crap, he picks on people, especially me and I'm not too sure why, I am not a weak person and I will stand up for myself if I really couldn't take anymore of them constantly getting on my case, but I just don't know why it is me in particular. Sometimes some of my friends will even join in when they are taking the piss out of me.They aren't always hanging around with me and my other friends, sometimes they go outside together and we would stay inside, so I suppose I don't have to always put up with them annoying me. But whenever they are hanging around with us they are constantly taking the piss out of me and It's gotten to the point where It's really not funny anymore. I would say something but my friend is a really sensitive person and she'd think I was trying to split them up, and that I was jealous that she had a boyfriend, and im not because im really not a jealous person, I dont like her acting like this, any advice? They have been going out for around 6 months now, but why is she acting like this in front of him? It's like he has changed her and I just don't like it. It's like they are bullying me in a way.any advice would be really appreciated, thank you for reading this rather long post :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey! thankyou for the advice and sorry I haven't written an update for a while :/
well I spoke to my friend and she said that it did make her realise that she should probably stop her silly behaviour, and she was grateful that I had pointed it out to her before someone else did.
She has begun to act better around me now, and her boyfriend has also noticed this I think because he is also annoying me less.
Thanks again for all the advice, it has really helped me and her out! :)
A
female
reader, RosePetals13  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Hi darling,
I know what your saying because similar thing happened to me in HS (i'm in college). I know it seems bad but sometimes people do change when they get a BF/GF in their life. Different people change for different reasons & it seems like your friend is trying really hard to impress her BF. Obviously what she is doing is wrong. My advice would be to stay away from her for awhile. Because u know the old saying "relationships come & go but friendships stay forever'. I think she is forgetting about this. She will need you soon IF the BF hurts her (which i hope he doesn't but relationship based on their ground doesn't stay too long).
Don't hang out with her much & try to go out & make some new friends. If she contacts you be polite but keep it short. You have to let her know something is wrong. Hopefully when she sees the very little response from you she will obviously see something is wrong. Hopefully she will come talk to you about what's wrong & you can both talk about it how your feeling.
I know most people would say to go out straight & talk to her about how your feeling. But the problem is sometimes when we get new BFs we can't really understand how important our friends are even if they tell us what's bothering them. She might take it offensively & think your jealous or something. Let her see for her own. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Even though they've been going out for several months now, your friend probably thinks she still has to prove herself and continue to look cool in front of her bf. What apparently is cool to the bf is making fun of her friends. It's also obvious she wants to look good bc she suppresses your own jokes that make her look bad.
I had a bf like this. It was funny..until he turned on me and started making fun of me too. Not showing respect for friends in my book is a red flag that you don't really respect your girlfriend either, because if you did you would want to be around her regardless of how many friends were around. In my mind your friend is a little bit of a victim here, not really realizing that her behavior is at the expense of her friends, but rather ensuring that the new and special person in her life stays there.
It's probably best to take her aside. Start easy, say you're really happy to see her so happy with this new guy, and you're happy to see her get treated right by him, however, you recently feel as though you're more often than not the butt of jokes, and it's starting to affect you. Say you can take a joke here or there, that's not the problem, but the frequency and consistency of it has to be less. If she blows you off or says ok but still does it with him, start being vocal like you say you can be. It's immature and illogical for her to say you're jealous of her having someone that makes fun of you all of the time, so you know she has weak legs she's standing on. Try not to bring in other people's noticing she's changed, or even that she's changed because people tend to take that badly and get on the defense after that. Just say you're concerned about how you're treated recently by the two of them. If she still doesn't get it, say that it's making you not want to be around them as much. That should signal to her that this IS serious, you can't be used as the butt of all jokes. keep us posted!
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