A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am normally a confident cocky guy who knows it all when it comes to women, but i must admit i need your help.I met this girl and after spending some time with her I could tell she was the type of girl I wanted to be with. I am a guy who often in the past found myself getting tired of/with certain girls (its almost like they bored me and I lost interest in them) I am 20 and i've never been in a long committed relationship for more than a month. With this girl i found myself talking on the phone and texting her for hours everyday. we often went for walks together and seeing her and talking to her was like a breath of fresh air. (this was the first time this happened to me with a girl before), as i mentioned earlier they normally bore me out and i wasn't the guy you could find speaking on the phone for hours, but this girl she just understands me deeply and I found myself so comfortable trusting her. she was probably the most honest and straightforward girl i met and i could trust her to tell her anything.she spent a whole summer (two months) nearby then she had to go back so she could continue college. she lives some distance from me. The week before she left we were talking about us being together, and she was honest, she talked about a few reasons why we couldn't be togther. 1.) she had just ended a relationship just before she met me. 2.) things which happened in her past life she wanted to change. 3.) Distance between where we lived was a bit farWell it has been a month since she left, we don't call each other much because the calling plans between the two different networks are expensive but we do Facebook and Skype each other a bit. next week both of us will be attending the same wedding and we planned to hang out and spend some time after the wedding.the problem with me is i don;t know whether i should bring up the conversation about us being together. the last time we spoke about it i felt so heartbroken when she explained why we couldn't be together. i don't know if i want to feel that hurt again.So i just need your advice; should I bring up the subject or not. and if it does come and she still feels the same way how do i handle that. should i forget about her and look for another girl.Thanks for your advice in advance.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 I understand that you would be hurt again but at least you would know that you tried your hardest. Lets go through her reasons for it not working, one she had just ended a relationship, good point she is scared of it being a rebound and hurting you. But it has been some time now and everyone needs to move on, so maybe now she feels more stable. Second reason things that happened in her past. My guess is that she was not happy for some reason so she needed some time single to change some things and get her life back on track which hopefully she has done now. The third reason however is one for concern. There is distance between you and neither of you can change this unless someone is willing to move. Would you be willing to move to her in order for this to work? This is something that you need to think about. When you see her tell her how you still feel. Be honest with her and see what happens. Good luck.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 I think you need to ask her if there is ever a chance of you being together and then you can make the decision. I wouldnt ask her if she ready now, because that just seems like you are presuring her. But if you simply ask her if there is any hope for the future because you really like her and are willing to wait, then that should hopefully sort things out for you.
I know it will hurt if she says no again but you need to know one way or another, living in limbo never being able to move on isnt much fun, so getting an answer even if it is a bad one is better than nothing.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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