A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 2 years. About two weeks ago her mood changed drastically. She started being antagonistic and critical all the time. Last week she said she needed her space and time to think. She wants to figure out what was best for her. At first she gave me like a huge list of things she wanted me to change that didn’t really make any sense. She wants me to do things like talk to her parents more, because small talk isn’t enough for her anymore. She has a very open family and thinks I should be as open as they are. She also wants me to be more “outgoing” because I am an introvert and she sees this as a weakness (she is an extrovert if you were wondering). She wants me to learn all the road names in the area instead of using landmarks when I drive, because that’s how her father taught her to drive. She wants me to learn to do everything her way (which is the way her family taught her). Then a day or so later she told me she said she realized she was being unreasonable, but still needed time to sort things out. We haven’t talked since then. If any of you are wondering I’m actually not “clingy”, I let her do anything she would feel comfortable with me doing. Though he said she wants to be able to do things without having to think. That doesn’t mean that I don't show my affection or appreciation for her. I just don’t want her to feel confined. She also said she didn’t want me to be the last person she a relationship with and she didn’t want to be the last person I had a relationship with. I think we are too young to even think about marriage, so I’m not exactly sure where that is coming from. She said she was starting to feel obligated to talk to me, though she also said she felt too dependent on me. She said she still loves me, and I’m the first person she truly loved. Over the days following her request for the break she kept contradicting herself a lot. So obviously I have more than a couple of questions.1. What exactly did I do wrong?2. What am I supposed to do in the meantime?3. How am I supposed to deal with the emotion strain while I wait?4. About how long will it take for her to finish her soul-searching?5. What are the odds she will come back?6. Will I get a chance to my plea case before she makes her final decision?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Thank you for all the advice.
Here is a little update for those who care. I told her I didn’t want to have to wait, and I deserve to be treated better than that. I “drew a line in the sand” and told her we needed to either get back together and work it out, or walk away for now. We came to a mutual agreement that what is best for us both right now is if we walked away. She wants to stay friends and keep in touch and still be friends though. We were like best friends in high school before we decided to be a couple. Does anyone think there will be a problem if we do stay in touch?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): She's realizing that you two are serious. She's probably thinking long-term with you and that although she loves you, she wants to be sure that you two (she) will be happy together in the long run. What's funny is that this will probably be what breaks you two up. Then you will realize she was much too demanding and be glad its over, and she will realize that you were everything she ever wanted. Ok, Im generalizing, but thats what happened with my ex boyfriend and I!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 Wow. My hat is off a thousand times to Baby Duck! Bravo! This is perhaps the best advice I have seen on the site.
I just want to add one thing. A "bad" one. She's unlikely to come back. And, like Baby Duck said, you can't be put to wait. If she comes back, don't take her. When a woman has this type of second thoughts about you, you're done. You wouldn't know if she would come back because she misses something, or because her unmet needs are not as pressing as the needs you do meet, or anything. You don't know what is going on in her mind, but you do know that women surely in love don't do this.
She already has a list of things she wants you to change. Well, I'm sorry: she has to take you as you are, or then she shouldn't be with you. No one has to be made just like another person dreamed.
Red, red flags: Why do you think she said she:
a) doesn't want you to be "the last person she has a relationship with"?
b) feels obligated to talk to you?
c) felt too dependent on you?
Follow Baby Duck's most excellent advise (I wonder if "excellent" can be made any better with any adverb), but move on. This is the end of it.
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