A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m in a LDR with my girlfriend; we see each other every two months because we are in different countries. I’m currently visiting her, our sex life is good but I believe I have a higher sex drive than her. We don’t see each other that often so I believe to be intimate is very important. Anyway a few days ago she didn’t want to have sex and I was left there all horny all night wondering why. I did very stupid things while drunk a few days ago (not cheated) we argued but agreed to stay together. Last night we were on the mood, then I told her that she had no idea much I love her and that I would do anything for her. Apparently what I said was such a turn off, and I was left there lying again craving for sex, she said she was just tired and wanted me to hold her. Is this a red flag? Or am I just being paranoid?
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 "Last night we were on the mood, then I told her that she had no idea much I love her and that I would do anything for her."
Urgh... Are you a Man or a Woman? Telling her all that doesn't make her want you more. In fact, it does the opposite. She knows she can have you. IN fact, she knows she's got you.
"Apparently what I said was such a turn off, and I was left there lying again craving for sex, she said she was just tired and wanted me to hold her. Is this a red flag? Or am I just being paranoid?"
Yup. That is the fastest way to turn a girl off. There is more to relationships than sex. By saying what you said do you think for one minute she couldn't tell what you were after?
Then she doesn't give it to you. You just told her you loved her so you could have sex with her. Whether you meant it like that or not that's likely what she thought. MASSIVE TURN OFF.
She wants some affection. Sex and affection are not the same thing. She's seeing whether you're only interested in sex. Especially since you just confessed your love for her and told her you'd do anything for her.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 LDRs suck. I did one for a year. (we are now married) and we were so close (2 hours) we saw each other every weekend.
You see her every two months… for how long? Because if you see her every two months for more than 2 or 3 days at a time and you have sex on day one and then on a subsequent day she’s not interested in sex to me that may or may not be a red flag. I need more information to help you interpret what’s going on.
You say “I’m currently visiting her” and then add “Anyway a few days ago she didn’t want to have sex” So I am sensing that your visits are a week in length or longer (that’s good) But to be honest in real life MOST people in our age range do not want sex EVERY NIGHT (or day). Me personally, even if it’s my LDR guy that I can’t see every night… after the first few days of getting reacquainted I would not want sex EVERY NIGHT… maybe every other night or every third night. I would still want cuddles and kisses daily….
I’m not sure why telling her you love her is a turn off…. Something else is going on here I think.
How long have you been LDR with her?
Have you two ever NOT been LDR?
When do you plan to end the distance?
Would you want to have sex every night after you live together? If so, and she’s a twice a week kind of woman, will you survive?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (3 January 2013):
Sex aside, a LDR lasts 6-12 months before it must become a non-LDR, or it tends to be become a non-R.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Errrm, ok. My original answer got edited and now I look like I'm illiterate lol.
I was originally going to say its ironic that you would only be interested in sex because if that was the case, you wouldn't need to travel to another country every other month just to get it.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Surely if you want more sex in a relationship you don't get into a long distance one!! If you move nearer to each other and still don't get much sex then there is a problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2013): Is she one of overseas girls guys start dating? Because if so, some are really interested in is money, not love lol.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (3 January 2013):
 Based on the small amount of information given, I would suggest that she may be feeling that all you are interested in is sex.
Sure, sex is a very important part of relationships, but if that is your focus she could be reading it as if the only part of her you are interested in is between her legs.
Try for some honest communication, in a non threatening environment, don't accuse, just let her know you want to be able to see the situation from her point of view.
And listen to the non verbal messages as well.
Good luck
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