A
male
age
51-59,
*ennyrogers
writes:I could really use some advice. I'm seeing a girl, a very incredible girl who's almost changed my life. I'll admit it is an open relationship, but we've always been honest with each other. So naturally, we've developed a great amount of trust. And the one thing she has always said is she has never wanted to hurt me. She has a hectic schedule so many times she's cancelled our get-togethers. She's always been regretful to do it and I always have taken her at her word. It was her birthday not too long ago. I wanted to take her out to lunch. Lunch being easier since she is a single mom and during the week the only time we can usually get together is when her kids are in school. She told me she'd love to but wasn't sure she had time and might have to work. The last time I saw her she said it just wouldn't be possible since her mother was apparently going to spend the day with her. Ok that's fine and I understand. But the day after her birthday I was browsing around myspace and came upon a curious comment on her myspace page. Long story short, she apparently spent that day (the time her kids were in school) with one of her other gentleman friends. That doesn't bother me. I repeat: I understand and I'm not bothered. What does bother me is that she lied to me about her plans that day. Tell me you already have plans, tell me you don't want to see me, whatever. But I feel bad that she made up a story about seeing her mother when apparently it wasn't true. Suddenly, I'm starting to question other things and wondering how honest she's been with me in the past. Being this deep in a relationship is new to me, I'll be honest. I want to ask her about that day, yes even confront her about whether she lied to me or not. I'm pretty sure she won't hestitate to answer me. She always said 'ask whatever you want and I'll be honest with you.' But I'm afraid of where this might lead. She really is an incredible girl despite a few "quirks" but I don't "want" to end it by being confrontational.So what do you think? Should I ask her if this is true and if so, why did she lie to me? Or should I simply put this behind me and forget it?
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male
reader, Horne +, writes (14 January 2009):
Liars lie. Cheaters cheat. It's a bottom line kind of thing until they reach a point where those activities no longer appeal to them. For some it's fairly early in life. For some it never ends. Put it behind you now, ignore it, you'll be asking yourself the same questions again and again and again.
Aside from that, you won't TRUST her and that's the basis of any decent relationship.
Be sure of your facts, but ask her. I don't care how amazing she is, if she's lying to you, you don't have what you think you have, and she will decide that content. If you can live with it, fine. If not, it's better to ask now than 5 years down the road and spending those 5 years wondering every time some story sounds fishy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): That's big, deffinitely ask her. She lied to you, my guess, because she knew that what she was going to do would hurt your feelings. She prefered to spend her birthday with another guy, and as you said you aren't sure now, if she lied to you in a past, may be it's her other intimate partner. may she has few of you at the same time. That's why she doesn't have time for you.
You sound very loyal to her and accepting, but there is a limit to everything. Good luck
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