A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone, ive posted a few things on here and you all be very helpfull...me and my girlfriend are very intimate at the moment and i came out with totaly the wrong thing the other day when i was intimate with her i asked her if she wanted to be more intimate.. she flew off the handle and was abit cross , i think it was the way i said it and after a while she carmed down, but she said she feels insacure about us and i need to reasure her that i wont say what i said again, aprt from this everything is ok,she asks me the same questions somtimes and i thought it was ok and that she wanted to take the relationship one step more... she told me after she had carmed down that her ex use to ask her in the same way as i did and that she didnt think i was like that, but il hold my hand up and say i got carried away with the moment, im usualy a gentleman and wouldnt normaly ask what i had said to her but my feelings are there and i dont know how to handle them anymore... should i just grin and bare it... which seams the sensible route .. im can control myself in hot situations but i finding it very hard at the moment as i love her and would like to be more intimate,the way she reacted made me feel like a bit of a perve or some sex crazed madman... help.. thanks we wasnt in the most romantic place..
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all thanks for all the good advice,
me and my girl are feeling more comfatable about talking about sex, and ive told her that we will know when we are ready, i have shut down a few of my feelings when im with her this is to protect myself from a ear bashing (mainly just incase i get one) i feel alot better for letting it out.
A
female
reader, say_anything +, writes (30 July 2008):
 i don't think that's that bad. at least you asked :)
maybe she was just surprised, or a bit embarrassed. i know i panicked when my boyfriend once asked me a similar question and shouted at him - this is not because he really upset me or i didn't want to take him up on his offer, i am just very shy so nerves took over and i acted like a fool.
perhaps it is the same thing here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni ask her in the heat of the moment did she want to do it!!
it could ov been the way i said it i just blurted it out!!!
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 It can sometimes be a bit difficult to know when your partner wants to take the physical aspects of a relationship to the next level. I've personally always believed that open communication is the best way to determine what's on my partner's mind, but as you discovered, some people get offended by the direct approach.
You're going to have to back WAY off for now, I'm afraid, and let her know that although you are still VERY interested in taking things up a notch, you are willing to wait for HER to make the first move in that direction. Given her past, you really have no choice but to put her in control of the proceedings here. She's got to feel totally comfortable and unpressured or you're likely to scare her off for good.
Make it plain that SHE is always free to ask YOU for anything that she wants, and you will never feel embarrassed or negative about it in any way. Then let her run with it. It may take her some time to get over the experience you've just been through, but once you do, it seems likely that nature will eventually take its course and she will put the two of you back on track.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 July 2008):
Ah, sweetie, don't take it personally, it's because of her ex not you.
My husband called me Bunny once and I bit his head off because that was what one of my Ex's used to call me. It wasn't his fault but he still got the blame.
It could just be the wording you used so I would suggest you have a chat with her about what her ex used to say and what phrases she finds offensive.
eg. I don't mind being called a twat, as it's a funny word, but I find cow very hurtful. No idea why, I just do.
Find out what words he used and then find some others for yourself.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): i hope you don't think it's intrusive, but what did you say to her? just to help people understand the situation. sorry if you find this unhelpful, offence is not intended.
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