A
male
age
51-59,
*ongterm
writes:I've been with my wife since I was 18, for 20 years. I still can't figure out how to relate to her. She wants sex about once a month, maybe less. I want sex every day. The only time it is rewarding for me is if she enjoys it and wants to be there. And this never seems to happen.Tonight I came home from a week on the road for work, our daughter was off to a friend's house. And I thought this would be the night. We had a nice dinner, a couple of bottles of wine, we relaxed outside and had a nice night and she said she was going to bed, so I came inside and went upstairs with her.So just by coming upstairs and lying down in bed I'm pressuring her. I can't figure it out and I'm deeply frustrated. Every time I think things are going well she says, you're pressuring me. What am I supposed to do? Every time I try to talk about it she says let's just get it over with. Well, that's not what I want. I want an equal partnership where she feels loved and satisfied, but I can't get there. I've been there for her forever, provided for her my whole life. I've always been faithful. I just want to express my love for her. Nothing works. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Longterm +, writes (6 September 2009):
Longterm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. Four years ago she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The medication she's on has a negative effect on sex drive and makes it harder to achieve orgasm. She discussed this with her doctor who told her that she could try some different medications, but that all of the mood stabilizers affect sex drive. She found some better stability but her sex drive has only gotten worse.Occasionally during a manic phase she will be interested in sex but it's only for a couple of days a year. On the occasions when we do have sex, she is engaged and with patience and perseverance has orgasms and is willing to ask for what she wants. This is what drives me nuts, I guess, that she seems to like it very much when we do it, but she never wants to go there. Any attempt to discuss the situation decays into a assertion that I'm pressuring her and that she'll roll over for me if that's what I want, and of course, it isn't. How do other couples deal with sex drives that are so far out of alignment?
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