A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hands down, my biggest problem with my boyfriend over the past 4 years has been his ex-girlfriend. I want to tell him that I am not comfortable with him maintaining a friendship with her, but I also do not want to control who he can and cannot be friends with. More than anything, I just wish that he did not have the desire to remain involved in his ex's life. I do not know if I can trust that he's not just keeping her around as a backup. Or that his feelings towards her are purely friend-based. Summed up, his relationship with her was a two year high school romance and she talked him into forming an open relationship when he went off to college. She proceeded to develop feeling towards her on-the-side guy. He developed feelings toward me, but as soon as I was informed of the situation, I cut things off between us. She eventually dumped my boyfriend for her side-guy. He came to me right after and our relationship developed. I initially had some insecurity issues that led me to feel like a consolation prize.Three years later, those feels have been completely resolved. At least until my boyfriend confesses to having an emotional affair with his ex, who was still dating the side-guy. They were mainly sending lengthy email over a four month period, but also secretly meeting a handful of times. He said it was solely an attachment bond; he just wanted an intimate friendship and that there was no romantic interest. I had a difficult time working through being lied to, because I thought we had had an honest relationship. Things were rough for the next six months, and confrontations between us escalated. He broke up with me at the beginning of December and we didn't see each other for a month because I went home for Winter break. After break, we met up and realized that we still had intense feelings for each other and did not want to give up on our relationship. Unfortunately, he also confessed to meeting up with his ex for coffee over break. He says that he saw that her relationship status had changed on facebook to single and wanted to catch up with her. He took her to our apartment afterwards and tried to convince her to have sex with him. She refused because she did not want to risk rekindling feelings towards him right after getting out of her relationship. He says that he chooses to be with me and I believe him. I am still working on trusting him again, but I'm finding it difficult being okay with his desire to remain friends with his ex. He obviously is still attracted to her as more than just friends, and I don't want to be involved in a relationship that continues to have three players.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 Don't work on trusting him again. He has abundantly proven that he cannot be trusted. If you stay with him, your couple will be a threesome for an indefinite length of time. Whether they have sex or not.
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