A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I have been searching for answers for the past 4 days. On monday night, it is saturday night now, my girlfriend called me and told me she basically needed a break. We are in college about an hour apart-- over the weekend she got sick and had a urinary tract infection and her mother came to her college to see her get through it. I debated going to see her, but thought that since her mother was there that they might need some family time. I am always around her and her family, since the past 2 years, and it would not have been awkward but i thought they would want some space since I see her every weekend. I made the wrong decision, and she was intensely hurt. She said I could come up and see her, but didn't make it clear cut. I should have just gone, enough said. That was the final straw, she had been hurt before for tiny things in the past that I didn't notice, like me making fun of a song in the car that actually meant alot to her. This past V-day she said she had never had so much love for me, but decided we needed a break this week. She says she loves me, emphasized it, said that she wasn't looking for another guy but need some time for school and to be independent. After all she is a first year in college and I am a second. She said this was not permanent, but needed to stand up on her own two feet. I am devestated. She is the love of my life and I am proud to say that at the age of 19, I know she is right for me-- but she needs to see if I right for her. Deep in my heart I know she will come back, but time is hard from her. She texts everyday with something little to say, like how are you, good morning, wake up its a pretty day, etc.I know we have something completely unique, one in a million, someone I could be the rest of my life with. I want so much just to suprise her at her dorm and say I am proud of the person you have become-- give her flowers, and show her that I am here when she needs it. I have no desire to date around, but show her I care. I know I mean too much to her for her to go sleep around. Should I not wait a few weeks and suprise her with flowers or would that make things bad? I didn't plan on breaking down to her then. She loves to know that I still care, and I don't think she wants to "have her cake and eat it too". She promised me, and she doesnt lie to me, that she would tell me the first sign of liking a boy if she ever felt that. I don't think thats what she wants. So should I try not to talk to her when she texts/calls? Should I suprise her one Sunday afternoon when shes not out with her friends and show her I still care? I know I am supposed to act all Independent as well, but trust me she should feel that she misses me if she loves me like she tells me every day, when we arent calling really or being together. Should I wait and pretend like Im happy, or will that push her away (I think that could).... Should I show her I care and understand her positon, but still tell her I love her? (I think thats right, because she sincerely tells me she loves me everyday, but she needs to just be alone for a "while") Should I ask her how long a "while" is? (I think that would be pushy for her) I just heard people say lets do NC and meet in a month. I think that would hurt he feelings, but this is why I ask. I don't want NC, but I feel it would be good to show her I cared and let her see me as her lover and friend, even if she needs space.... Thanks guys, I appreciate it.In love, my heart knows she will be there, but I need to know how to deal with the now and not the future which I think will include Us. What do I do now? She can't go from one week saying she loves me forever to the next week saying she needs a break. I think she loves me but is confused-- she knows I am her bestfriend and she knows absolutely she is mine. So do I take a simply action without pressure like be understanding and talk with her face to face, with flowers? Or should I cut her out until she finds me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis will take 10mins of your time but could change my life in some way, please read--
Thank you in advance.
I have tried not to contact her much, but this morning I texted "good morning beautiful" because thats what we do. Its kinda normal for that to go on for the past 2 years ish. You can say I am weak, so I say to myself sometimes, but we are on "a break" not a "break up" and I can't expect myself to just not talk at all. So I did it those time. Then she called me, seemed like everything was fine. I tried to hide my pain and just ask her about her weekend (she spent it with her sister) and just tried to seem very agreeable and loving. Somehow we got back into our inside jokes, acting like old times, and I was in walmart and just jokingly asked her if she wanted peanut butter brownines I make. She talked in her loving voice, and was like, pleaseee. Man I almost broke. I said oh alright well I'll make you some, (I am on spring break right now anyway). I didnt ask how Id get them there, I assumed Id mail them. Then she asked me when I was coming home (back to school 1 hr away from her). I said I dunno, maybe in 4 or 5 days. She said that if i came back on thursday, "maybe you can stop by and bring (our pet bunnies name) and stay for awhile."
"I said, well yeah maybe I can do that, but dont you have a party on thursday (they usually have some sort of party at college there at that time), I don't want to get in the way of that."
"She said hmm maybe we do, but you could come! Ill have to check. If thursday isnt good you could come friday if you want."
After the conversation I felt much better. She said she loved me at the end of the talk again. Tomorrow is our "anniversary"... I sent her an email, weak again and stupid for feeling better about today's talk that basically had a rascal flatts "here" song on it which basically sums up the situation in a loving way (I am here, the tears are worth it, i love you still) She responded saying thank you, it means alot, i love you, our anniversary is special to me as well, kiss our pet for me I miss him.
Should I go thursday? If I go what should I do? I honestly know she loves me, what if she kisses me or I her? I can't expect her to just say I don't want a break anymore, but I know she will be faithful. How do I handle this? Should I ask for a time frame for being on a break? Should I try to tell her she can be independent with me in her life or let her make the moves? She won't fish me along and thats why I am dedicated to waiting. I was thinking of bringing her the brownies, some flowers, a cd shed like-- and just let her make the moves. Show her I am there and love her. I will do that unless she is unfaithful which she knows would kill us (or at least doesnt tell me before then). Is this the right move...?
A
female
reader, PHATandSWEET +, writes (1 March 2009):
In little ways let her know that she means the world to you. But not so much that she wants to walk away. Trust me I am going through the same thing and it is hurting me bad. But I have always been told that everyone needs there space and just because they ask for it does not mean they won't come back. So baby if you love your woman stand by her and show her that what ever she is going through you are right there.
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A
male
reader, tonym  +, writes (1 March 2009):
Hmmmmm...With women its test, test, test. You mention things where you say she has got upset like the song in the car. Don't beat yourself up over littel things like this.Remember woman want a man, and at the moment your behaving lie a girl and i don't mean that in a nasty way.This girl clearly cares for you, however let me tell you how it is. This girl has to make no effort whatsoever to keep you there, dose she ??She knows you love her. Your actions are that of a needy person, you are quiet simply pushing her away.The way to deal with this is quiet simple. Tell her, you know i care about you, but i respect you so therefore i respect your decision to want space, tell her yeah space thats a good idea.Now she tells you she wants space, but texts you every day... is that not the opposite of what she wants ? Answer she doesnt want you gone, but your attention is sacring her she feels she has to live up to be someone she is not, someone you see her to be and she is fightened she will let you down. You need to show her your life can be happy without her, the she wont feel the responsiblity of having to make you happy.I am in a similar situation, the person never directly asked for space but they created it,but then you get the daily text, hence your/our confusion. 14 month on and mine is still not sorted, but i have learned and my learning is this, she is confused, confused, confused.Simply show her you care, but work on you, if she asks for space give it. When she text dont reply straight away give it time, dont be off, but she has to realise that you can stand on your own two feet, which she thinks you cant at the moment.Go quiet on her, dont fall out, dont be rude, be youreslf no one can be you better than you.She has to realise she wants you. people dont fall in love when the are together it is when they are apart.Give her a gift. The gift of missing you. Give me shout if you want further. best wishes.
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A
male
reader, blahhh +, writes (1 March 2009):
send her flowers. it'll ket her know that you respect her wanting space but also show that you care, just write something sweet on the note, like an inside joke yous have or something. broads always like getting flowers even if they think its corny. goodluck.
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