A
male
age
36-40,
*ay3532
writes:ahh good ol Cupid, have not been here in many months or years to be exact! Well its that time again where i am falling in love and iv hit a BRICK WALL, to say the least. Iv been seeing this girl for about 6/7 months now, we are not officially in a proper relationship label, just seeing each other long distance, we were high school pals and have been just recently catching up with each other, and there is definitely chemistry! Since 7 months ago we agreed we would just see eachother and no one else, since then its been amazing and no dramas, we tell eachother this every chance we get. However she keeps dropping hints about relationships and being together forever etc for the past few months, she was also the first one to say i love you first ( i stil have not said it altho told her i want to but i cant) she first said it few months ago and says it almost every day, but im still not sure what to believe, since i have heard it all before from the girls before her. Which i honestly told her and she was fine with that. but as of late she recently sent a txt saying, wanting to be forever and that she wil always be there for me, so few days ago i thought what the hell, il ask her out properly so we can be im a proper relationship, since i asked, she started back tracking, saying just keep it as good friends and we can build into it and eventually have one, but im sitting here thinking, do i believe her and go along, or do i walk away now before i get hurt? This happened a few weeks ago, but there hasnt been any problems since then, we stil act and do the same things, but its in the back of my mind now, do i keep going or do i walk away before i get hurt? I GUESS THE BOTTOM LINE IS, DO I TRUST HER? she sent me a video the other day saying if i ever get doubts just to listen to it, its some cheesy video about being in love and being together, but yeah , iv heard it before and iv been hurt before, so what should i do ladys? believer her or break it off? I do live her i guess thats why i write all this here searching for answers from experts of like minded people who have gone through this. Any help would be appreciative Last bit of info if it might help, she broke up with her bf to be with me a year ago, (they went out for 3 years), and i just got our of a LDR of one year, we both talked about rebounding but we know we are not. So that leaves it to the last question, is this real love or is it just another disaster waiting to happen?
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 December 2011):
 First off all, she doesn't sound like someone I would trust. She declares her love to you consistently for several months and then when you reciprocate interest, you've called her bluff, and she backpedals? I think she just likes the idea of love, she likes male attention or at least being the chaser, not the chased. when you tried to give a little love back she freaked out because she wasn't in control anymore of the game she was playing, and it was a game, because if she had been genuine your interest wouldn't have made her run the other way.
Although I wouldn't trust her if I were you, but you also have some distrust of women as a whole; you're a little too willing to lump her into the category of all women that have hurt you. To me this just says you're not ready to try again and you should have a little more you time. You'll be ready to date when you either meet someone who is unlike those other women you've dated before so that you can't make that comparison, or you have sufficiently put enough distance between your past and your present that you are healed enough to see each woman with a fresh set of eyes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): To be honest, I think you should follow your gut. *Do* you trust her? You're the only one who can answer that question. If you don't feel like you can, ask yourself why not. You say you want to tell her that you love her; what do you think is holding you back from doing so?To answer your other question though, I believe that time alone will tell whether it's real love or not. At the moment, I'd be inclined to say no. Putting the chemistry etc. aside for a moment, I think her declarations of love are all a little... cliche (no offence!). And having dropped so many hints about a relationship, what made her change her mind when you offered her the chance to make it official? Was she never serious about it, or was it just fear talking?Perhaps you should have an honest talk with each other about what you both really want right now. You can't hang around forever, waiting for the day when she decides to be with you after all - that day may never come. One way or another, you need to draw a conclusion on this situation for both your sakes. Yes, I'd have a chat with her and see how things go from there. Good luck and take care :)
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