A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with the person I love and wanted to be with.We have been in a relationship for a year now and decided to get married as we both are 28 years old and ready to settle down.We were honest to each other and very loving but recently she told me something which she should have at the start of our relationship that ''she got married to someone when she turned 18 and It only lasted 3 months, I was shocked and asked her why did you lie to me? She cried a lot and said I didn't want to tell you because I was really scared and never got the time to tell you but it was killing me from inside''.We are still togather but from inside I cannot think straight no more, cried a lot and feels like she trapped me in her love and so many other random negavtive thoughts. What else she has lied to me about? Shall I trust her or move on? i don't know. Can you please advice me what to do? I am confused and lost...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Thanks everyone. I have cleared a lot of things with my girl friend and would like to forget the past. Your replies have cleared a lot the way i was feeling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): I understand you feel like you may not no her anymore and all the ?s in ur head ur confused but at least she was honest with u b4 u got married and she was young and dumb at the time it only lasted 3 months look my advice if u love her marry her make eachother happy I don't think u have anything 2 worry about she didn't trap u either and she told u
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (2 May 2012):
She has not cheated on you and she is still the same person you fell in love with. So what if she was married before, she probably didn't tell you to start with because you were new in a relationship and then she probably felt the timing was never right. If she planned to trap you then she would never have told you and might have brought it up later in life but instead she has told you before you get married so that you eneter married life on a clean slate. She even confessed to how much it had affected her by not telling you. To leave her now for telling the truth would be the wrong thing to do and very unfair, she has trusted you with this information.why hold this mistake against her when instead you could accept her past which doesn't affect your relationship and you could spend the rest of your lives together happily married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): First thing, your girl probably wasn't too serious when she got married because she was a 18 and it only lasted three months.But yes, from this minute on, it's really hard to trust because she's already broken the trust.Do you mind about the fact that she got married or because she lied to you? She probably feels very guilty as well but did you think about why she even had to tell you the truth? Did she tell you because there might be a chance that you will find out? Or she told you because she wanted to be honest with you? If she wants to be honest with you then it's a sign that she wants to have a future with you.Be honest to her and tell her your feelings because you need to make sure a this point whether this "surprise" will have an impact on your relationship in future, some people can forgive and forget, some people will give up, some will hold on but become paranoid and insecure. Let me tell you, the last one is literally the last one a person should choose because it's contradicting to love and not trust your spouse at the same time, and it's not a good thing for both of them, it's a torture.Good luck !!!
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A
female
reader, Latti  +, writes (2 May 2012):
Your feelings are accurate and yes she lied about being married at such a young age. I can see how this might be a bit embarrassing to tell people at first, but she did tell you BEFORE you got married. This should not be taken lightly by any means, but let's weight the good with the bad.1. Does she treat you well?2. Before this situation, did you feel she was a liar?3. Has she cheated on you, to your knowledge?4. Do you love her, even if she is not perfect?5. Is she still married to the guy?6. Is this a dealbreaker for your relationship?Lying is never ok, and it always does some damage to the person who has been deceived, but if you can find it in your heart to forgive her. Talk it over, let her know...that it was not ok to lie, but we will get through this...together. and then truly forgive her. You really can make It through this. I wish you to the best.it through this. I
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Don't make a big deal out of it. She didn't lie to you, she just didn't want to tell you because she wasn't comfortable telling you yet. Man up.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 May 2012):
 She never "lied" to you.... AND, if you are going to hold this bit of her past "against" her,..... then YOU, Sir, are going to lose out on a pretty good partner!!!!
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