A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiJust recently my dad had a massive heart attack, his heart stopped twice and we were told to say our goodbyes. I have never felt more alone, sad and emotionally devestated. Fortunately though he pulled through, had a quadruple heart bypass and he will be fine.However, in my time of need, my boyfriend was very unsupportive. We were supposed to go on holiday but he txt me 2 days ago saying "I think you should go on holiday with your friends, I don't want to fall out with you tho gorgeous", also when my dad was having his op, I was so so worried and couldn't stop crying with worry and my boyfriend wouldn't come round to comfort me. I also realized that when dad was on his life support machine, my boyfriend left me and said he was going to see his grandma in hospital, he has since told me he didn't go and went to the pub. I really needed him with me.I finished with him after this. I don't want him back but I really hope he is feeling bad and guilty. Do u think he will realize this? When I finished with him, it was very quick. Over the phone actually, but he has not been in touch at all. I am torturing myself emotionally because why did he run so quick?Fortunately my friends have been there for me and most importantly dad will be ok. Thanks for your help x
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Well I hate to say it, but he may have been planning to break up before your Dad's heart attack, and that just pushed him into a panic. He was forced to hang around and be sympathetic, when clearly he's not. He may be freaking out about his own mortality. It sometimes hits people around that age, when they begin to realize they won't live forever and they better do what they want to do in life, with a person they want to be with. I think you did the right thing by breaking up with him. I really don't think he is "the one". Good luck.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 He was a 'fair weather' friend. But not worthy of you.
The holiday? Didn't want to mix with your friends? What did he have to hide? Did he think his position, his lifestyle, his income would not stack up as close to that of your friends? Or his lack of commitment to you might be obvious? Hard to fathom. Or could he not get time
off to join you.
The lie about his Grand mother. Inexcusable. Dishonest. Does he have a drinking problem? If yes then he's a loser.
I am very happy for you that your Dad cme through and recovered. That is fantastic news.
It is a truth that some people cannot handle serious illness and tragic circumstances. When someone is very ill in the family our emotions are raw. Our worry is real. And we don't need insincere platitudes. Sometimes we just need an ear to listen, without judgement. And friends willing to listen like that are great.
What is unhelpful, especially, are four particular types.
1. Those who start stacking up what they think you will be worth financially, when your loved one dies. I abhor those ignorant types. Anyone who has ever tried that is not my friend now.
2. Those who shrink away and act like 'oh yuck their 'X' is sick. I'll see them again after this crisis is over for them'
These are weak fair weather friends who cannot remain my friends. You have more trouble from a weak person than a strong person, every time.
3. Those who don't help, don't support you. Can't get away quick enough when they know there is illness in the family. But insincerly toss the unmeant line,
'if there is anything I can do...?' and then look helpless and then usually proceed to type two above.
4. Then there are people who want to know every gory little detail about the illness of a loved one, but don't even bother with giving any support. (to those overly intrusive people I would distance myself from) Generally this type of person only wants every last snippet so they can gossip it to others. I value friends who are discreet. Not betrayers of my trust.
For your boyfriend choosing to not come around to comfort you is so very unkind. You know you are well rid of him. He is Mr Loser.
But would he feel guilty? Or would he just drown his sorrows with some drinks?
There are losers in this world who really don't feel emotions like real people. Who run away from responsibility.
Or maybe later he will come back, begging forgiveness. Maybe feeling some guilt, too little, too late. I am very glad that you have chosen to Not take him back. No matter how much cajoling he subjects you to.
You do need a better calibre of guy, but I think you know that.
And amongst your good supportive friends they may know just the right guy for you
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A
male
reader, Khanyiso  +, writes (11 June 2011):
Oh such a sad story to hear. But you can draw lessons from it, right? All I can say to you should be happy that he ran away, while you needed his support the most, how much more if you were married, and had children? The best is to terminate the relationship, cut contact with him, and do anything that will make you forget about him, but don't be hard on yourself in the process! Goodluck!
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