A
male
age
41-50,
*nfsdbadly
writes:i need help. ive been with my woman for ten yrs and have 2 kids. ive cheated on her numerous times because i thought she cheated in the first few years of our realationship, mainly because we had sex the first nite. she used to leave me and go out to clubs and did things, she said to make me jealous, like riding around with other guys. ive asked her so many times if she ever had sex with anyone else. she says no. ive been it 4 ten yrs, ive even put my hands on her and i know thats wrong she sticks with her answer of no, but i cant believe. ive been it the last 7yrs have been good, but she recently left me due to my constant questions. what should i do? how do i get over the past and work on our realationship?[Mod note: punctuation added to make the question more understandable.]
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Communication. You two need communication. She shouldn't have been going to clubs and "making you jealous" if you two were in a committed relationship and riding around with other guys I can see why you would question her faithfulness.
She said she hadn't cheated on you right? What makes you not believe her? Late nights? Going out without you? What makes you not believe her when she says no?
Does she know that you have cheated on her numerous times? Again, communication. Pretty childish to cheat on someone just because you think they are cheating on you.
Would you be willing for counseling? I think you two should sit down and just talk. Get everything out in the open and try to work things out (if you both want to) and if not, you have been together for ten years and maybe it's time to find someone new. For the both of you.
I hope this helps. I would really like to know what makes you unable to believe her answer of no. Her actions?
A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 I`m not sure what youre saying when you say you "put your hands on her" - you mean youve hit her? If thats the case, can you even begin to imagine how that must feel? Would you want to be with somebody who was violent towards you? think about it?As for your paranoia and constant questions, its a classic situation. You yourself freely admit to crossing the line and cheating so of course you expect the same of her.Not knowing the lady in question, its hard to comment but assuming shes been faithful to you all this time, she hardly deserves being persecuted, beaten and cheated upon does she?You asked for advice so I`m going to give it to you straight - if you love her, if you truly love her, you would want better for her than youve given so far wouldnt you?Do some research on anger management online, see if you can sort out the violence thing. Take a long hard look at what youve done to the poor woman over the years and see if you can trust yourself to make sure that NEVER happens again. If you manage all of this, it may be worth sitting down and talking about getting back togfether.The most disheartening part of your question by the way isnt even in the text you typed! What about your children? On top of everything I`ve said already, I have to say that they do not deserve to be brought up in an environment where there is violence, zero trust and most likely zero respect aswell.If you want to do the right thing, sort yourself out first, make sure you are a father to those chidren and THEN see what you can do about fixing your mess.Sorry Pal, I dont mean to offend you but thats the truth.
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