A
male
age
41-50,
*arky_Mark_76
writes:I'm hoping someone can help me to get a better understanding of what's happened to me recently. I was seeing a lovely girl for three weeks. It was only a short fling, but she was very keen and things got quite intense quickly, mainly because she was pushing it and I just went along. I thought she was great and was just enjoying it.She sent me lovely texts during the day with lots of kisses and MWAHS, and saying how happy she was to have met me, etc, and she introduced me to all her friends and her parents. She pretty much jumped into bed with me after a week...I hadn't expected it so quickly but I was just enjoying the experience of having a whirlwind romance. We booked a holiday and I pretty much fell for her big style. I told her so, but felt comfortable expressing my feelings, given what she was saying to me. There were times when she seemed to go a bit quiet on me, and I started to wonder if she was considering ending it, but then she'd do something reassuring and all seemed good. On the final weekend of the three weeks she was due to go on holiday with her sister, so I did her a card just saying I hoped she would have a nice holiday and just expressing how happy I was that we were together (just trying to be romantic). I gave her the card and the next day she phoned me to say she didn't feel the same about me as I did about her and was ending it. This seemed an amazing turnaround given that 24 hours previously we'd been cuddled up in bed talking about going to Paris for her birthday. She was very cold and clinical on the phone and said although I was 'everything anyone could wish for' if she stayed with me she'd be settling because she wasn't feeling a spark. Given the fairly passionate times we'd already had I found it hard to believe she'd not been feeling a spark and was totally broken hearted. She went on holiday to Cuba and left me feeling absolutely terrible. I made the mistake of keeping her as a friend on Facebook, and it now seems that she's seeing some bloke from Wales that she met in Cuba. It's left me feeling pretty confused as to how someone could be so fickle and it's going to make it difficult to trust what girls say in the future. I know she's had quite a few short-term relationships so maybe she has commitment issues? Although I feel a bit sorry for the next chap, it would be reassuring if she does the same to him because at least I'll know it wasn't just me! Basically she led me on and then completely broke my heart and although it was only three weeks it has still hurt like hell. Anyone got any words of wisdom please?
View related questions:
facebook, on holiday, spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Yes she does have commitment issues, to an extent. I have some lingering commitment issues of my own, (and have been in her shoes many times), so maybe my insight will be helpful.
Just remember you did nothing wrong, I am just going to explain to you what happened in her mind, for your own closure. The thing is that she gets tired of guys quickly because she needs a challenge at this point in her life. I am not saying you are not a wonderful person. But, with HER in particular, let's say you had held back a little bit, and not shown her too much attention and hadn't revealed too much about your feelings, and maybe even been a little aloof about how you felt about her, she might have still been interested. I KNOW this because I have been in her shoes. No matter how intense and genuine you think our interest for you is, everytime the guy gives in too quickly to our whims, oftentimes we lose interest right away. It was too easy. Cause we'll "fall" for you easily, and shower you with attention, but in the back of our minds we are desperately hoping that you are strong and aloof and don't fall for us too quickly. That you make us work for your affection and keep us on our toes. And we would never tell you we feel this way. A girl who truly has commitment issues will never let on about that. All we show you is our undeniable affection, so you are completely stumped when it doesn't work out. Why is this so? I don't know... But this ONLY applies to women with commitment issues!
But who likes playing games? Right? YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. But this is just how SHE is. Not all women. So it doesn't mean you should start playing games and being a jerk. It was just bad luck at having met the wrong girl.
It's possible that she is on the rebound. That could be a huge factor in all this. And that could be why she has commitment issues.
And if it makes you feel any better, in terms of karma, I have been alot like this girl. And just recently I met someone who I really really liked. I did everything that your girl did. In the first 3 weeks, he met all my friends and family, lots of xoxo's, lots of plans, always together, just tried to sweep him off his feet (that's the game plan, just like men have their own game). But he didn't give me what I wanted right off the bat (in a way, thank god, he was a challenge! He was "different." I loved it!) and that made him so much more desirable. Cause that made me work harder to try to keep him. And that's what we want, someone who keeps us on our toes. And then he broke my heart and left me. Just like that. I'm still getting over it...That's karma for you.
But you are a nice guy. You don't want someone who you need to play that kind of game with. That's who she is but that's not who you are. You want someone who wants a normal healthy relationship. But she is not ready for that right now. And she isn't always going to be this way. But at this point in her life, for whatever reason (probably rebounding), that's how she is and that's what she needs and wants.
It was just bad luck, I'm sorry.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Please find someone who will really appreciate your sensitive side you sound like a decent man who treats women well - however perhaps next time don't get so swept along at the start and take things steadier - finding out more and more. This is a very difficult experience for you but I think you will be wiser for it. Hope its not patronising - not meant to be. Hope I've helped.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Hi
Not really no, apart from i agree with you, and think it sounds like she has commitment issues. Which do present themselves in the exact way you have described, happy as Larry to start, then when they notice themselves getting keen, they draw back again, and move on to the next one. They like the chase, not the after. If that is what happened, you can bet your right arm that this next guy will have the same outcome!
Horrible for you. But i dont doubt she meant everything she said to you, she probably doesn't realise yet she is a commitment phobe. But the short past relationships should start registering with her, if its her thats always ending them. most people aren't commitment phobes and it would be a shame to not trust anyone again. Although i can see why you would say that.
C xxxxx
...............................
|
