A
male
age
30-35,
*wag meter
writes:Am a guy who in April meet a girl, i fell in love with her so much that even though she sometimes acted childsh i would readly forgive. unfortunately she kept something important a secreat her HIV status, of which she is HIV positive. our relationship became sexual in may till early july when i discouverd on my own that shes HIV positive. when i askd why she didnt tell me she said she was afraid of lossing me. I felt cheated and hate but kept my cool and askd her to give me time to heal and forgiave her but two weeks late she said am nt loving her like i used to and we should break up. i respected that and a week late shes saying we need to talk. am scared if she managed once to keep something that big a secreate then she might hate me again with some thing else. what should i do should i continue forgetting her? and is she wealth risking everything for? cause am HIV negative.
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female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Unfortunately she worked this one out wrong. Keep moving on. It's not your fault, HIV + people are counseled on this type of situation and she did not follow the right path. She lost. You have a right to decide what to do with your intimate life. By not telling you, she took that right away. She messed up. Keep looking, and be more careful next time, because guess what?? Now you have to be tested for HIV. Once you receive clean bill of health in writing, find someone and WAIT before sleeping with them!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 November 2011):
 I will repeat what others said, you need to retest 3 months and 6 months after last unprotected encounter.
I guess it is up to you whether this is a deal breaker or not. The lying and hiding it would be for me. And.. I'm not sure I'd would want to risk getting HIV by having a sexual relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): Hello
She is a danger not only to yourself but also to the others who might get in touch with her in future. She is not worth it, please move on. If she really loved you, she would have told you about her HIV positive status.
Please report her to the police, you might be doing favors to some other guys who might not be lucky enough to avoid the HIV.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Withholding information about one's HIV positive status is indeed a criminal offense in many countries. I think that it demonstrates a callous disregard for your health and well-being, indeed your life.
That would be the end of the relationship for most people; some might consider reporting her to law enforcement authorities, so she does not perpetrate this on another person.
No, she is not worth risking everything for. Don't see her, cut contact and consider you may be doing someone else a favor if you report her. That's awful, what she did. Really really bad.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 It is possible to have a relationship with her and not get infected, or at least minimize the chances, as long as you stay protected and cautious. Having a family together with biological children will be difficult, or cost money, but there is always adoption.
If you love her, and if she is worth it, it can be done. But you don't know her well enough yet, you don't know if you can forgive her deceiving you. For this relationship to work she needs to be 100% honest, and there needs to be a deep and strong bond of love and loyalty to each other.
I understand why she didn't tell you, but if she loved you she would have told you. You need to take time to think about this, and time talking to her. In this time do not have sex, just talk. Meet, hang out, get to know each other and you will see if you can forgive her, and if she is worth taking the risk.
Make sure you are tested once again a few months after the sexual activities with her have stopped, so you are certain you are not infected. Educate yourself on HIV as well, how it spreads and what you can do to protect yourself. Understanding it will help you know what is the right decision to make.
Give yourself the time you need to make this life changing decision. Talk to her and get to know her better, see if you can have a future with her. Do not have sex, and make sure you are otherwise protected (as it spreads through blood as well). Take your time, you do not need to make a decision now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2011): You need to be re-tested for HIV, regardless of whether you used protection every time you had contact with her or if you were careful.
She hid a major thing from you -- one that could have compromised your health and your life. Is it worth being in a relationship with her if she's OK with hiding important things from you, for her own benefit? I personally don't think so.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 Oh dear! It's actually a criminal offence to withhold HIV status from your partner. I think that you should get yourself tested again and then wait 3 months to re-test (there is a window period where you can test negAtive but you would be positive). She is dangerous to be able to withhold information of this magnitude. I would say NOT WORTH it and move on.
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