A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for just over 3 years, we have 2 children, weren't planned, but we are happy. The problem is he never shows affection to me very much, he will tell me he loves me and wants to be with me forever and sees a future, but never goes out of his way to do anything, even on Mothers Day I got no help,nothing and I was 7 months pregnant!! On my birthday I was 3 days past my due date with our second and I got nothing, my mom was visiting from across country since I was going to have the baby any day and she made me breakfast, he did say happy birthday and it isn't even that I needed some huge gift or anything, but I would have liked to have felt a little special. I just feel like he doesn't show me I am special or loved, he will say it but almost like it's routine "Goodnight, I love you" We barely have sex, about 1 time every few weeks. I don't know what to believe, he tells me he wants a future, but doesn't show me.I really want to be with him and to make this work, I just want him to show me that he loves me, show me appreciation for everything I do with our daughters (I am a stay at home mom) I just feel kind of disrespected I guess and unloved. He came home drunk last week and was telling me he loves me so much and he wants a future and he is sorry he isn't mr romantic and will do anything to make me happy, he said he was telling me all this because it was easier when he had a few drinks and he felt more comfortable to tell me like that. I just don't know what to think, opinions? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): I'm thinking he's actually chronically unhappy or depressed whether with this relationship or with his life, who knows. Maybe a bit of both since they are intertwined? Maybe having two unplanned children and a stay-at-home partner to support is not what he had envisioned for his life and he's still coming to terms with that even though he knows he "should" be happy it doesn't make it so automatically. when people are preoccupied with personal unhappiness they find it hard to focus on other people. Birthdays and other 'special' days go forgotten or don't feel like cause for celebration so those days go by unnoticed. Actions speak louder than words. If he's saying one thing but his actions point to the opposite, I would tend to believe his behavior. It's time to talk to him and try to understand him as an individual, and what he's thinking these days. You may have to step outside your role as his partner temporarily so that you can really listen to him even if it's uncomfortable for you.
A
female
reader, im.not.the.only.one  +, writes (13 November 2011):
Know how u feel! Its very upsetting when on your birthday after carrying his 2 children and basically giving up alot to put your heart in to you family and he cant make the effort on the one day that is yours! :/ i had this on my bday- never even got a card from the kids! It broke my heart! I think its lazy of him to do this - and mean! Give him a taste of his own, and treat him the way hes treating you! I bet he wont be long in noticing, its worse when they know exactly what there doing! Has he always been like this though? Some people generally are not the gift and card type! Try doin something away from the daily stuff, defo get a babysitter, go out-it dont have to involve alcohol! Its amazing what a couple of hours away from the day to day things can make you feel! And kids arent kids forever! :) it might just be a phase, i hope yous work it out! Yous are still young :) have a talk with him too and put your foot down lol x ... Ps (sex in the shower is great)- try thisd with him :)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 November 2011):
 I guess now that you both have settled down and had children that he has just gotten lazy in the relationship and has stopped making an effort. But it is very bad on his part to just let mothers day and your birthday slide without even a small gift off course this is going to make you feel unloved. You need to sit down and talk to him when he is sober tell him how you have been feeling. After having children sometimes sex lives can die a bit. So get a babysitter for a night a week and get him to take you on a date either once a week or a fortnight and just make the night all about the both of you. Try adding spice and new routines in to the bedroom to excite things up.
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