A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been with my girlfriend for just under a year now. We have a really great relationship. We laugh, have fun together and a great sex life. I find her really attractive too, I love her and I can see myself spending my life with her.Our only real problem that we have is that she is insecure. She brings up my ex girlfriends and this has caused a fe arguments between us. I was in a relationship that ended almost three years ago. My ex had a young son from a previous relationship and we were together for a year and a half. She wasnt very nice to me and her family didnt like me for some reason. But it still took me a long time to get over her and her son. I only got over it last year, even though I dated a girl while I was not over her yet.I started seeing my current girlfriend a few months after I had a gotten over this ex. The chemistry was great and she made me happy. Thing is, she keeps bringing up this ex and talking about her and asking me questions. She knows it hurt a lot when we broke up and I think it has made her insecure. Now, with all these reminders, my feelings for my ex and her son are often in my head. I look at her facebook page, sometimes daily. Is this wrong? Does it lessen my feelings for my current girlfriend? We had a bight fight recently and I asked her to never bring my exes up again, which she agreed with. She knows that I have looked at my ex facebook page and it hurts her. But she brought these feelings back up for me? This is how I get over my exes (and the child who was like a son to me). I find that looking at their facebook page helps me to get over them.. when I dont feel anything anymore looking at the profile, then I know I'm over it and then its stops. It is my way of dealing with the issue, but she doesnt understand this...The feelings are not as bad this time round with the ex, so I dont expect them to hang around for too long. I just wish my girlfreidn would understand that I have to deal with this in my own way. Is that understandable? Am I wrong to feel this way? I feel like its her fault for bringing these emotions back up for me but I am a logical/rational person and I know that the relationship with my ex wasnt a good one. I am 31 yrs old and she is 29.
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broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook, insecure, my ex, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): you're looking at your ex's FB page every day - of course your girlfriend is going to doubt you. You are making her insecurities worse.
it sounds like you're not ready to be in a new relationship yet because you're obviously not over your ex yet.
don't blame your gf as being 'insecure' when you are still looking at your ex' FB every day. that is not normal or healthy behavior in a relationship for one person to be constantly checking their ex on FB.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): Hi I'm the OP. thanks for your responses - just to add that she has been doing therapy for a few weeks now and things have been better - she has trust issues due to being badly bullied as a child. She says she doesn't understand why I need to look up my ex. I just do!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): I have a gorgeous stunning friend- who is absolutely racked with insecurities and I've watched it tear apart be relationship after another, honestly- I keep telling her she just needs to be single until she's in a better frame of mind. I advise you to drum it into her exactly why you look at their Facebook pages, and that you're SO happy and thrilled with being with her- that you would NEVER want to go back with that ex, as you can see her for what she really is. She may need therapy to sort herself out, just really try and pesevere and reassure her, I think you should try and both really work through this- as she can't live her life like this, and prob with enough talking therapy n reassurance it'll be ok :) x
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A
female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 If you asked her to never bring it up again, and she agreed, then all you can do now is wait and see if she'll stick to her word. I have a feeling she won't. She sounds like a real piece of work, and nothing you can possibly say to her will stop her from being insecure. She knows how strongly you felt for your ex at one time, and assumes you still feel that way. I don't see how she can get mad at you for looking at her facebook page when she probably also looks at her page. After all, that's probably what started her insecurity. I can't imagine the only reason she got insecure was because she knew it hurt when you broke up. I don't buy that for a second. She got curious, looked up your ex, thought she was gorgeous in her pictures, and started feeling like you must have liked her more because she was more attractive. You know it's not true, but only time will tell if she'll realize it. I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
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