A
male
age
41-50,
*amian
writes:Wonder if anyone can give me advice? I'm 30 years old and my Fiance has now ended our relationship after 3 and a half years. She was a very independent girl and liked to go on holidays, sometimes 3 or 4 a year. She had a 13 year old kid that I would baby sit while she went out in town with her friends, whom she would then stay over night with. The trouble is, I felt uncomfortable with her going on all these holidays. She worked for a school for kids with special needs and would get 6 weeks off evey summer, where as I work in an IT job and have a very limited amount of time off. She would come back from a holiday with her kid and no sooner had she returned before she booked another one and gone on another, sometimes within a week of returning. She was also the kind of girl who, if we were at a family or friends party, would like to go on to a night club, preferably with me, but if I were too tired without me, even with people she didn't really know. I on the other hand am more traditional, if I go to a party, I like my girl to come home with me, or if an opportuntiy for a holiday comes up we, we both go together rather than apart. She explained that her parents were very relaxed that way and that sometimes her mother would go on holiday for 5 weeks without her father and that he was ok with that. I was brought up very differently, with my parents always going on holiday together and only spending at most 2 weeks max away from each other. The reason my ex gave for ending the relationship was that we both had different ideas on how a relationship should be conducted and that neither one of us were right or wrong, that we just want different things. We both have agreed that we really love each other still.She also said to me that if we did get back together (even though she dumped me, got back with me then dumped me again within the space of a week) she would do so with serious reservations about us and that she was unsure I could cope with the relationship knowing that she may not be 100% commited due to those reservations. We agreed that we needed some time apart to think about whether getting back together under those terms would be the right thing to do. She also said that she could not promise that she would not end the relationship again if she could not resolve the feelings of uncertainty she has.I'm at a total loss, I don't know what might be the right thing to do. Do I give it another shot with no guarantee's or do we just stay as we are, broken up. Then just move on? Somebody please help me as I feel like I'm losing the plot!!!
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male
reader, Jamian +, writes (19 October 2007):
Jamian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thanks for the advice. The ex remains the ex. I gave her some time then text her to get an idea about how she feels. She decided that we should remain as we are. I,m very sad about it, not just because of the end of the relationship, but also for the fall out it has and will cause. Not just for us but for both our families as we had all grown close as well. I must admit that I was having second thoughts myself but was perhaps afraid to admit them to myself. I loved her, but could not agree with her views on how a relationship should run.
I will always love her and although emotions are raw just now, perhaps in time I will be able to look back at the happier times we had together and forget these difficult times.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 October 2007):
 Sorry, I believe she is right: you are not compatible, really, and it doesn't seem like you could sustain a long-term relationship. I'm afraid that a second try would only be for the worse. My opinion is that you should move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): I, personally, think that it would be a mistake to drag this relationship out anymore. I'm a big believer in true love (although you do have to work at it!) but this sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants..
I would tell her I was giving her a little time to sort out how she feels, then ask her to come to a decision. It can't be nice being with someone who has such different views on life to you.. If you can't both come to a happy medium about your lives, then it would be time to move on imo..
Take care
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