A
male
age
36-40,
*mperfect Luck
writes:OK, before anything i'd like to say thank you to anyone who reads this i value the opinion of others a gret deal. My overall question is 'will i become my parents' ive begon thinking my parents must have been my age at some point no? they must have thought roughtly along the same lines i do no? so why are they like this now :S. k here goes......Ill kidna try and quickly sum up my feelings towards my parents and certain thigns before i get started like. firstly i although i use the words mum,dad,parents,family etc i use them simply for convenience. To be honest to my understanding of those words i dont feel as though the people who call themselves my mum dad family etc, meet the definition of those words. here we go a little background here. I'm an only child. Born of montego bay (jamacia) and came to live here in egnland about 13 years ago when i was 7 or maybe 6 years of age. Due to this ive lost my accent and dont ask how sound american if anything :S. Over the last 6 years i figure ive spoken to my blood father for approximatly less than 30 minutes which consists of him trying and failing to convince me i am he is still somehow my father, while complaining i never phone or write, because obviously those 2 means of comunications are one way.Me to him .I'm currently living with my mum and step dad and planning to move out. In the 13 years ive been here and known my step dad i have to say ive never seen him and my mum show any form of affection be it a kiss, hug, or simply a shared smile. To be honest they seems to get on best when they both find a shared enemy mostly due to there own ignorance and intolerance.My step dad is a insucure gym instructor who feels he needs to go to the gym 6 times a week not including him actually working there the balance out this insecurity .My mum seems to be finding it diffucult to take in i'm not exactly 5 years old anymore, and if she says something that doesnt make sense i will explain it to her it doesnt, which in turns leads to hugely pointless ego arguements about nonsense, eg a 2 hour argument about wax on my computer table being flammable : / eventually i gave in due to annoyance and admited wax is flamable as silly as that sounds . She also seems to have some old fashion concept as in the parents you see in old fashioned films who belie 'respect' is a one way thing which consist of intimidationg the other party into agreeing with them.A good example would be she can tell me to f**k off today and expect me to respect her tomorrow without even an attempt on apologising.Ok i think thats enough background. Now to get a little deep.To me i belive everyone is born with a certain thing they must do. And this thing determins or hobbies, intrests, likes, and ultimately the types of lives we live. Ive also come into beliving as grim as this may seem some people are born to do something which will hurt them in serveral ways. K keeping the above in mind i'm gonna get real crazy with the metaphors just to make getting all this across abit easier and maybe put u in a situation to answer my question with some meaning.K here goes. I'm gonna be using moth as a metaphor for myself(/certain humans)and the word butterfly (for certain humans)A caterpillar is born. Scurring around its only concern for the moment is do what is needed for growth and survival. Eventually that caterpillar begins to pupate (if i rememebr right thats the word for there metamorphosis, u know there whole goign in a cacone and comign out a moth an all) anyway a new outlook on the world is giving.The world seems bigger. Much bigger. Then it happens somewhere wihtin the geat darkness of the world the moth finds it's fire. Stupidly it flys towards it dashing away from the pain only to go straight back into it. So stupid. Losing there wings and surrendering to the fire. But tis what they were born to do. Its inpossible for that moth to ignor the fire. It unable to pretend its a butterfly it has to go towards it, burning away. Eventually its wings will burn off. It'll fall out of the once so vast and inspiering world. And get covered in so much dirt and muck no one will even recognise it anymore. Nothing about the creature will appear narute intended to it. Its forced to the realisation it was born to aim towards something which in the end would bring such misery. That it wasnt a butterfly but instead was drawn to its own destruction. Left lieing there to be prayed opon on once insignificent things like ants.Then i will look up through the dark world at all my distant unreacheble fires and know.I have bcome as my parents. And there parents before the. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): Yea hunny just enjoy life as ariel said and take one day at a time, You wont forget what you have written so I feel you will make a great husband one day and a great dad TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
male
reader, Imperfect Luck +, writes (18 October 2007):
Imperfect Luck is verified as being by the original poster of the question First of all i'd just like to say thanks for the replys. I wrote this several hours ago due to partly not being able to sleep and partly my best friends kidna been sleeping round for the last few days due to problems with her parents.
I didnt exactly bother proof reading it which i kidna wish i did after reading over it just now but i think u guys will get the itdea :].
I know my relationship with my parents isnt exactly picture perfect nor normal or healthy tbh but at the same time i know i wouldnt be the person i am today if not for constantly having to fight for simle rights and wrongs with these people.
Tbh i must say due to this i feel i truly understand the meaning of certain words such as respect or family. Sometimes i sit thinking to myself these people cant be serious, really one day there just gonna burst threw my door yelling 'surprise! congratulations!son after all these years been pretending to be so intolerant and ilogical it was all to teach u the true meaning of respect and family, now u can go out into the world!' Its a funny thought but it still wouldnt justify the way ive been treated repeated times.
I know everyone says yes ur parents have ur best wishes in mind and there trying to not make me repeat there own mistakes but its not even that that truly bothers me.
I cant be dealign with someone who refuses to help me until the very last part of my acomplishing my goal and why? to simply in the end say they have helped in some way. I mean i'm 18 almost 19 currently and since age 15 i havnt asked my parents for anymore than the odd bus fare as a last resort. And why? i dont feel comfortable asking them for anything. There the kind of people who will my an oversatment asthough they have been helping me all along.
Eg. ive recently started a new photoshop cource out of town which took my 11 seperate jurneys in order to set up and at the day after coming back from my first day at this new courcei end up in an argument with my mum literally lieing to my face claiming shes helped me set get to this college. She doesnt even know the name of the ocurce i am take, where the college is, or what its even called. Yet she trys to jump in at the last min and claim respect from me which was rightfully given to my friends who had supported me throught organsing it and also unlike my mum and step dad did not refuse to help despite me reluctantly asking.
The whole situation was yet another rediculusly ilogical argument. I didnt know what to say tbh, she was just lieing to my face. My mum and step dad also have a habit of metaphorically stabing u in the chest then turning around and telling u its ur fault, u made them do it.
Anyway rant about that over. I'm not sure if ive typed before but i'm 18 years of age tbh i think i already said my age but whatever. I'd like to have kids some day and i kidna have a debatable difinition of the word marrage;
(to me to marry someone its simply another way to show the person how much they mean to u. To look into each othes eyes and say u and u alonesatisfy me)
But enough about that. Like i said i'd like to have kdis some day and start a family but i gotta say, i dont know ifs cause i'm still a teenage but i see alot of people not exactly happy about there parents and a few who actually like/love there parents. Thats kidna the whole thing that got me thinking surly all these parents where my age once. Thinking about meeting ur soul mate and starting a happy healthy family eviroment. What went wrong :S.
My biggest fear is ill lose my way and become as ilogical and intolerent as they are to me but to my kids. Just last night i asked my best friend while inbed if she thinks people just change over time without even knowing it, she said yes and i supose thats kidn a right but i asked her if i'd changed and she said no :/ and ive like known this person for years. I'm not sure why i'm even sayign this but i toldher if she ever thinks ive changed and not realsied it to confront me about it, thats how much this thing worrys me : /.
Oh well perhaps only time will tell aye. Maybe i am a butterfly and not a moth xD
Again thanks for the replys guys gave me even more to think abotu and stress myslef out with. Thank god for pot lol anyway more replys are welcomed
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): Hi Hunny,
If we are here to learn love and we do make mistakes then if another person does or says something that hurts us be it our parents or others we meet in life then this would be a good sign that this is not how we want to be when we are older, Are you going to tell your child to f off when you do have a family? I would say most def not as this has hurt you being said to you by your mother, When you meet a b/f will you be able to show affection even though you seem not to have been shown any or seen any from your parents? I feel to hunny that you will as you wont want to make the same mistakes.
I was adopted I had a good upbringing but I still did not want to do some of the thing my parents did like send me to my room 24/7 for I dont remember what now, so therefor I did not like being in my own room as that was punishment, And even as a child or young person you still need your space, so Ive never sent my children to there rooms if they misbehaved.
I met my biological parents still together 50yrs now and hunny they are both heavy drinkers and this is why I was given up as mum could not cope with dads drinking and she also liked to party and the 2 boys were enough, Im not going to be like that either, I believe we are all put here to learn something and to grow from our learning all from the very people that are with us and around us.
You are your own person and will one day make your own choices.
We are not moths we dont need to follow we have freedom of choice, We can fly into the flame if we want and so it goes the other way, So hunny when you leave and get that place off your own you will then be leading your life as you choose, You can be you, And change that cicle you feel your going to get into, There is not anyone who does or says the right thing all of the time all you can do is try to learn from the good and bad points of life.
My biological father has said many times he wont change for anyone well thats fine but I can still go and meet him pick him up from the harbour and take him for his pint for the few hrs he is with me, But I dont want to live like that so im glad he lives in england I dont take my little girl in the pub to see him if he wishes to see her then we go to the park he can still have a drink. We will always have part of our parents with us even though I didnt grow up with mine I am more like them in many ways, Ive had a good values set by my adoptive parents.
Ive made mistakes with my children along the way its all learning sweetheart. I hope this makes sense and has helped a little TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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